Torment of idealessness

Weeks away from the blog. Why?

Football season is over. Basketball season is over. Not to mention the hike in gas prices made life a bit uncomfortable. The worst part I'm losing money in the stock market. Well, I have come to the conclusion that my conservativeness is not conservative enough. Unfortunately, I'm feeling upset that my richer friends can't see the problem.

You see, like when I was studying my Masters, I'm worried that my family will need help paying for the house. So, while they can afford to lose money with enough backing to go back to in their family, it's a different family upbringing for me. As the eldest, I see it as my duty to remain the flag bearer who needs to stand even when everyone else is beaten down. So while I might whine a bit like a kid, I feel I genuinely can't afford to lose too much ground. And it's not personal. Not me directly at least.

Anyway, for whatever reason, these few weeks is also a downturn in my ideas. I'm also finding my expenditure for my apartment is getting unnecessarily high. Maintenance fees, cleaning, space, whatever. I think the "Sometimes I don't really care" attitude from my roommate is probably a mitigating factor as well. It's easy to say I'm being negative, but if I put in effort for stuff, I expect people to put in something as well.

Ah well. It's funny that bad things must always happen together. Like above, my ideas is also running into a dead end. There is a skeleton for my little trial novel, but I'm just running dry for a while. To make things a bit more edgy, I contacted a friend to see if her husband can help. Not in terms of idea, but in terms of experience. Her husband published a fantasy book before, so I thought I could get some idea what I need to go through. I'm not sure if the shut door I got was because they thought I wanted more help that experience pointers.

Of course, these aren't really the only bad things happening. So to top it all off, I decided to declare myself broke. As in, no fun, no excitement, just plain Joe from step one. Well, I'm living pretty cheap actually, but I suppose I can find excess fat to rid myself of. And as the flag bearer statement, I think precluding my savings for my parents' house is the best I could do to ensure that they have a backing right now. Well, that probably means I definitely won't get married anytime soon, but I did not have a girlfriend to begin with, so that was easy.