I'm writing earlier than I usually do so that I won't forget about it this week for another week. Anyway, today is the last day of Chinese New Year celebrations of any sort. Not much but I suppose there is more happy things to write over the last 2 days rather than the last 7.
The week started as usual, and I probably did badly in another test. I think I felt very distracted and Dan was right, I should try to stay focused. I feel very disturbed and upset and whatever bad things anyone can feel. I kind of feel penalised for being brave to come here on my own, know nobody and try to carve something out. I called the IRS and Social Security and guess what, same blockades. I feel very disappointed that I'm denied the rights that I should be entitled here. I can't build a credit history despite spending like a normal student, I can't apply for a NC license like others, and I can't do a lot of other stuff. Equality of opportunity? I guess I might have a better chance as a foreigner in Singapore. I might not be the only one with this problem in USA, but of all people I know so far, I AM the ONLY ONE.
I'm complaining a lot lately. Not that it is not me, but I quit complaining a long time ago and it came back because I tried everything I could but I got nothing but more deficits, pay, pay and pay till I dry out and die. I'm probably on my last tank of optimism right now and I doubt it can last long. There is only one Chinese New Year per year, and its over after midnight tonight.
Anyway, on the brighter spots for the week, I went to a Chinese New Year celebration by Singma. We went to Hong Kong buffet for a small gathering. I was very full after that, in fact, I was so full that I actually vomitted. That was too full. The best part, Holly picked my tab. I'm not sure if she saw this blog but I'm definitely very grateful. I'll try to return the favor if I can but for now, I can only give thanks. Nothing good happened for the rest of the day. I got my mood dampened by Detroit's loss and, in some sense, my apartment mate's "casual" attitude. I know that I definitely felt very lonely and helpless even when he is around. I guess I'm just someone who pays the other half of his rent, nothing more. I just wish I can have at least a few more things to be cheerful about. I really do.
