Quote : Win with Grace, Lose with Dignity

Background:


Well, as everyone might have heard, Singapore had their Presidential Election on Saturday. The quote is spurred by the reactions of the people I know on all sides of the election. I find it disturbingly similar to my childhood, not the fun part of me running around trees back in my grandfather's farm, but that of the later years of my elementary school. I came to knew first of malice at around 10-12, thankfully for my parents to protect me all the years before.


There is this group of kids, very smart and very athletic, growing up alongside me. Yet, despite my innocence, they disliked me, and I can't remember what I ever did to deserve that. What they relate to the quote though is that they ganged up on me. When they won, they sneered, without grace, without humility. When they lost, they cried, without dignity, without repentance. They seldom lost, but they did often change the rules to win.


Now, I grew up, much in sync with life. My family is still blessedly moving along well. I thank everyone for that. And through the years, I learnt to seek things with my heart. And it is more often right and good for me than not. That is where I learnt to share, even when I win. That is where I learnt to grow, even when I lost. That is why, I feel I outgrew what is expected of me. And I still want to grow. I still want to share. And I hope the same too for the people around me.


To be fair, I will condone a bit of partying, but I do need people to be aware that since I'm not a party animal, I am not going to join the festivities and I will always maintain a clear mind of what I need to do. And because of that, I do encourage everyone to live responsibly.

Life's RUBBA to Happening!

Before I start, I need a shout opening. FEEL FREE TO COMMENT! I AM NOT MONITORING COMMENTS FOR LIKE FOREVER ALREADY!


Now, to the real topic, which unfortunately shall start with a moment of sadness. I was reading of a friend's depression and this is not the first I heard. I feel sorry for this friend and would like to help, even by just being there to listen. Anyway, while thinking about this sad story, it linked back to my style of life and brought me an epiphany of some sort.

I remember hearing of "Kübler-Ross model" in Criminal Minds before, hence Wiki'd it. Upon thinking deeper, it is exactly the phases of everything in life. Strategy, political cycle, everything. It seems so weird that things that are so complicated can be explained in such simple ways! Unfortunately, there must always be resistance and the order or components must always satisfy everyone. Is there a need to? Can't we just decide on something that will help people?


However, if you read up the actual article in Wikipedia, the 5 names do not match up to RUBBA, instead it is DABDA. Nothing against it really. It is used in the psychological terms and it matches perfectly. Should one always have these cycles in phase? Well, that's why I thought of re-inventing DABDA and call it RUBBA! Now, instead of an item of anger and depression, I rather express them in action. Here goes!

1. Refusing - Refusing the facts and constraints as they first dawned upon the subject (s).
2. Uprising - Uprising against the facts by the subject (s). 
3. Bargaining - Bargaining in an attempt to ignore the facts.
4. Burrowing - Burrowing within oneself's inner world to avoid more hurt.
5. Accepting - Accepting the fact and need for changes.

Well, it all sounds familiar, don't they? Now, we know Refusing and Uprising tends to occur first, so that is of little debate of its order. I know that Bargaining and Burrowing pretty much happens hand in hand and could happen in either order. Notice they both start with B, so don't argue! Let's use it to help people! Finally, Accepting. I probably can find a similar word with Accepting and Bargaining to replace them instead of using the original model but hey, RUBBA sounds better than DABDA! RUBBA RUBBA RUBBA! RUBBA BAND!


Of course, I always like to add the kicker at the end. Notice that the title is called Life's RUBBA to Happening! If you reach A, then you can decide to make good things happen! I wanted to put enlightening but that wouldn't sound so fun, would it?

Ok, before I hush hush all of you to go spread Dennis' Model of Life and help everyone reach Happening, I do need to say, you should not take this model negatively. Why? Because I built this for happiness! Below is the happy version!

1. Refusing to Lose
2. Uprising against Challenges
3. Bargaining on Resources
4. Burrowing deeper to Hold Your Ground
5. Accepting minor setbacks to Win The War!

Well, now you have the happy version as well, you can go to sleep now. I did wake up from a dream I was fighting a big guy or something so I will be trying to go back to sleep soon to beat that guy!

Weirdest National Day

As of this post, Singapore is already halfway through National Day. It is almost too funny this year compared to previous.

1. General Election and Post Election Trauma, noted as GE and PET and together as GEPET
   First, they have TPL, which in  my opinion is not a good candidate from one look, but she boarded GCT's gravy train so, what can you do? Vote bad politicians out la!
2. Presidential Election, which is the current hot topic since it could be another walkover
   Not that I care, its SGD 4M down the drain as he must listen to the Cabinet's advice
   But to have candidate like TKL giving silly quotes to inspire voters really makes my back hurt from falling off the couch laughing
   Oh, and TT's open thumb handshake
3. As part of the election, my ex classmate decided to rip my kind efforts apart as it "threatens" the political project this classmate embarked on
   How would anyone know what's in someone else's head?
   Oh, because I'm able to commune with God I guess, but God keeps reminding me, live and let live, and don't keep reading people like a book...
   Plus I got sick of reading this person's thoughts after the many contradictory things, such as throwing another person under the bus while pretending to be just and upright...
4. Everyone's screaming about how PAP is unfair
   Well, we let them grow arrogant, so we should not blame anyone
   If you want to convince someone else, DO THE RIGHT THING
5. Speaking of doing the right thing, everyone likes to pick on my lack of action as inaction
   So, do you see like the amount of brain activity in my head while giving ideas?
   Oh, right, you were not listening, of course, that's the very reason why things are not going your way because you did not want to listen to the signs people tell you
6. And since people aren't listening, I'm going to ignore all complaints of DJIA crashing
   Of course it crashed, USA's GDP is not really growing for some time and we told you that when we did QE!
   Oh I forgot, you were not listening because you preferred to listen to Cramer or the Singapore replica in Singapore...eh...who huh?

Anyway, as always, I have no opinion over who should be President. You can be sure of someone's ability and promise but to actually see them is another thing. I believe that putting the right people at the right places is key, which is why my "Lazy Bone Project" is underway. Speaking of which, where did I put that manuscript for the plan overview...

Motto : Never Impose On Others What You Would Not Choose For Yourself

Reason:


Well, straight from Confucius and I'm sure everyone is aware of what it means. The simplest one liner to explain The Golden Rule.


I must say, my mom is a great believer of this rule and I grew into her belief. I find it wonderful and it works well.


I'm not going to write an essay for this. Enjoy!

Motto : You Happy, I Happy

Reason:


There is an idea in Chinese culture, at least in my family when I was growing up, where everybody lives happy as a community, helping each other and growing with each other. This can be view from many angles, money, education, life, whatever. This is the reason why, as a pacifist who understands the reasons behind war, I believe that this is the best motto for everyone to live with and it enhances The Golden Rule.

Hello Box!

I am saddened recently by a friend who forsaken 15 years of friendship. While I may be biased on why this person made such a choice, I do have time to waste to think about what happened, so while unwinding, I was also planning my work among other things I needed to do. Quite a fruitful Friday.


Fortunately, this also reignited my drive to finish what I now call the "Lazy Bone" project. It will be elaborated in more detail later on but first, let me comment on something that is close to my heart. I view this post as part or whole of the epilogue of my envisioned project.


Before you go on and lambaste me with the usual "Bloody Hell, Dennis Wrote An Essay Again" complaint, I will now issue a "Essay" Alert.


"Thinking Outside The Box", which will be abbreviated TOTB from now on, is a relatively lukewarm topic in real life, but I often hear it so much that I doubt people really know what it is. Fortunately, my new work environment allowed me to experiment with their workflow and presentation styles that allowed me to realize what people are missing.

First, lets demystify common misconceptions.

• It works, its a new concept, hence TOTB
  Fallacy : The idea may not be new, and even if it is TOTB, it might be credited to the wrong person since the thought process is the key, not the execution. Most of the time, the planner will be supervising the execution.
• It works, its not new, hence not TOTB.
  Fallacy : TOTB requires the understanding of the whole picture. Even if only a small part of the system changes, complete understanding is needed to avoid complications. Again, like the previous, since a misconception may exist, credit might be attributed wrongly.
• It's alternative, but it doesn't work, hence not TOTB
  Fallacy : Ideas are thought to work but not always executed correctly. Science to back the theory up may not be there. Theory behind the plan may be incomplete. Results is not the reason why we need TOTB. Its the avenues of thought it opens up that matters.
• It's TOTB, it's too alternative, it cannot work
  Fallacy : TOTB is not guaranteed to work, just like all ideas. Trial and error is needed. ROI is often the issue here but that is a HR issue or an office politics issue, which will have its own short paragraph of elaboration.
• You're spouting nonsense, its not even science, hence not TOTB
  Fallacy : Often this stemmed from shortsightedness and office politics. TOTB is naturally unorthodox sometimes and can appear un-scientific. However, our science cannot explain everything. As such, it is a HR issue and will be elaborated in the separate paragraph.
• No idea, hence not TOTB
  Fallacy : Education is an abstract issue. You need the right mix to find the right talent. You cannot force TOTB on people because it needs the right environment. For most questions asked, TOTB is not needed. TOTB is for improving anything and everything. 1+1 questions doesn't help and it is definitely not TOTB. To reason 1+1 may be TOTB.
• Right environment, why no TOTB
  Fallacy : As a scientist, I do not believe in the distinction of right or wrong. I believe in the pursuit of specificity. If our measurements become more accurate, we will find more things. Hence, there is no true right environment for TOTB now until we improve sciences to the extreme.
• TOTB, right environment
  Fallacy : Like above. Perhaps the individual is unique to be capable within that environment. Perhaps it was luck. Perhaps there is help. Perhaps you should just sit back and give up control and have more TOTB. Then again, how do we maximize efficiency?

So, will the examples with fallacy reasoning explain everything? No.

The reason is, as we know, we are only a drop of the entire universe. I always remember the marble scene in MIB 1 at the end, the perfect illustration of my thought process.

There is no perfect way to train everyone. You allow pure creativity to carry through, things are chaotic and inefficient. You control so much of everything, having strict rules and guidelines for everything, creativity gets stifled even if everyone becomes a literate and numerable intellect.

I would compare the systems in Singapore and USA to illustrate this.

Singapore is known for its efficiency with an almost complete rate of literacy and numeracy.

• Strict rules through everything including education
• Loves rankings
• Prefers specialization and deters cross discipline at a young age
• Highly stratified at a young age, with disciplines and educational pace streamed since 10
• Complains about the lack of TOTB

USA. Well who doesn't know USA's system. A complete melting pot but I need a comparison.

• Encourages individuality
• Deters ranking, preventing big schools from having a reason to fight each other
• Encourages multi-discipline education but not enforcing it
• Homogeneous in mix of specialization while not enforcing it
• Low stratification in range of disciplines but huge spectrum of capabilities
• No complaints on lack of TOTB but does complain on lack of efficiency and streamlining

Well, I will not step into the political debate behind both systems but the distinction is clear. You want TOTB, you can't strangle people who don't perform. You want efficiency, you cannot spare the rod. Yet, USA does not lack in talents. In fact, if there is a dearth in talent in one area, they can replenish it in immigration. On the other hand, Singapore's immigration has not improved the amount of TOTB it sought.

Why? Control. A few of my friends, while consoling me over my latest melodrama, said, you cannot love everyone without having an equal amount of hate. I agree. I know what I dislike when I see it, but even when I see it, I can see the good in things. That allowed me to see the best in people and TOTB when they appear. That also allowed me to learn from people and help myself in TOTB. 

I am at a constant struggle of control versus complete chaos. I "ACCEPT" that I can fault and had the good fortune of having "ACADEMY", "APTITUDE", "AMBITION" and "ADVERSITY". My good fortune is really in the people in my family and the people I know. They tolerated my sometimes wild behavior, spanked me when needed, helped me when I was bullied by unrealistic environmental factors, including very mean people, and I grew. I decided that I will continue to grow for these people and add more wonderful people into my life for the good people already in my life.

Hence, these are reasons why Singapore's search for TOTB has been relatively futile. We do not need TOTB everywhere. We do not need a lot TOTB in politics. We need TOTB in industry but we give little room for error, just like everything else in Singapore. Why? Do we really have so little room for error?

My argument against the room for error. I failed GP, survived in NUS, got work and salary comparable to Honors graduates through consistent pursuit of my passion. In 2003, I sat at home, applying for work everyday and got nothing, other than almost being a sushi chef for $1k. 

My first job is a $1k temp job which I got caught for sleeping on the first day! I continued to pursue what is in my heart, got a job at teaching within 2 months. I loved it, if it wasn't paying just $1.5k and taking 60 hours a week due to travel and stress. I love kids running in circles around me. Then I quit but got my next job at $1.8k in less than a month later. Guess what, I got a quick pay rise to $2.2k, got into NCSU and deferred for a year. 

Now, that might not sound like honors pay, but here's the kicker. I was given night shift with great understanding from my bosses that I wanted the money and I don't mind the hard work. I was given the night shift, working 4 hours into the night. I get to claim cab fare after work and night shift allowance, totaling about $800. I thought "Hey, I'm going USA, I got no girlfriend, little social life and just wanted to enjoy myself and still give my parents some allowance". Yes, despite my parents not demanding or needing allowance, I still gave 20% of my base salary because in my heart, I knew they were the reason I came so far. Hence, my blogging here.

Now, enough of my lucky story, I will elaborate a bit on the HR implications of TOTB. Now, I'm sure you have heard people say "this company does not value talent, they fired this super smart guy" story before. Now, when I first heard it, I begged to differ. The first question I asked is "What did this person do that is smart". The next is "What is his salary". Obviously, in my case, it was kind of the reverse since I knew the position of the people who got fired and their performance. And the next question is "So, what is the ROI then". Yes, ROI, that's what define success and failure of a company, an organization. 

How can you get TOTB when you fire people for less than $50k of error which is less than a drop in your ocean of profits? How can you survive with everyone losing you $50k? How do you nurture TOTB when you enforce complete detailed accuracy to the point your sole reason for not developing the talent is "lack of data accuracy". Different people have different strengths. It is the role of the leader to know where to use which talent. A good leader will look after subordinates and usher them to the correct roles. Of course, even leadership takes time and training, hence I understand how things "cannot be helped" sometimes. One thing is, to get an open mind, you must open your mind.

Now, there is another case where TOTB is discouraged, and I saw its impact first hand. There is a manager, very abrasive, very political, very secretive. No information is shared outside this person's team. The team told me they loved their manager because of honesty towards them, but when I mentioned the lack of cross functional teamwork, they agreed with me. Due to the abrasiveness and political mindedness of this person, TOTB is discouraged, of course, compounding other factors that deter TOTB. I feel productivity is also reduced. 

The last acts of this person included a highly disputed promotion, to this day, remains the reason I am seen as a thorn in many managers' eyes despite my many TOTB contributions. I left, promoted only once in 4 years. A friend told me, not promoting me is their biggest mistake. I take it with a pinch of salt and thanked my friend's gracious words. In fact, not many people would say I'm TOTB. But a few friends did lavish me with such praise and I truly thank them for not inhibiting my growth.

Now, I must deviate from my arrogance and self praise before it ruins my argument, but I can raise examples that does not involve myself. It is not important how many examples we can find. The truth is, we should not fall into the act of "Do as I say, Not as I do". I need to tolerate others' mistakes to see the best in others. You too. Then we will find a lot of TOTB that doesn't hurt people. I recently saw a video talking about trial and error. We need a good mix of that in life. If we don't dare to try, we never know. I never thought I would really be here in USA. I'm glad I tried.

I would now like to end my essay with a bit of my regular Dennis' humor. I am sick and tired of reading political articles from Singapore and USA. If you speak with greed, your every word stinks. That is what I understood of Lui Tuck Yew. If you speak with anger, your every word betrays your hypocrisy, that is Mitch McConnell with his "No Deal With Obama in Office". Even if John Boehner tries to bash Obama, he does it with style and measured aggression. I like what I hear from Boehner. Same from Khaw Boon Wan from PAP. Not Vikram Nair. For these men who receives such huge pay packages to do such work with no heart, it is an insult to my love for mankind.

Specifically for Pui, McDumbbell and Lair, I offer you this...

Man, I love this pic...I have vowed to use this pic as much as possible. Until I find more interesting ones of course.

Oh, two more things:

First, with my Project "Lazy Bone" underway, I will be re-organizing my blog. Nothing will be deleted but new filing and categories will be added to phase out the old more "solely emotional" categories. This will be my prelude.

Second. I love to sleep. I love great ideas. And I love them more with this video below from TED.com about sleep.