Another week gone. A pretty busy one as well. I messed up more things than I last messed up. Things are going like a whirlwind of terror. Things get worse, and nothing seems to be getting back on the right track. I feel very upset, especially that now there is no one who can even try to lift my spirits...
I had a phone interview for a job in Chicago, but the problem was that they want to hire someone immediately. Sigh. Another opportunity gone. I chatted with Hilary, and she said "leave it to fate". Unfortunately, while I agree that is so, I am unable to sit still till I get things done. It seems like everyone is telling me the same thing! I can't help it! I'm me! Anyway, it's not like I'm heading to for the other world yet. I might feel like it, but I'll work harder to make things work. I took my foot off the padel sometimes, so I'll need to work on it to make sure my effort goes all the way to the end.
Carl was back to his old self. He seems quieter when the new students are here, but guess what, this week, he's back to his nonchalant self. Asking me about funding seems bad enough, and rubbing on it by insisting on pursuing the topic. Although he mentions that it was not his intent, but it didn't matter. It made things worse. Be it good or bad intent, it had a negative impact. Not that I'm not expecting it anyway.
Finally, bad luck runs miles beyond good luck. Things are getting dirty and spoilt at my place, and it was not supposed to be spoilt. Good things better come soon, resistance to depression can only last a while.
Showing posts with label Old Version. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Old Version. Show all posts
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Sunday, September 10, 2006
26th Week 39
The downward trend continues. It seems that case ever since I stepped here. Everything just seems as bad as it can be. It puzzles me why it is so bad.
Anyway, this week, some miscommunication is cleared. Chance of funding, zero. Near zero if its not there already. All the known sources are dried and parched. Well, that is perhaps what is plotted out for me ever since the start of my entire school term here. I feel kind of sad. The pace of life here is good for me. Just a little more, just one funding opportunity like many others have, that would have been enough.
I think in some sense, I've made up my mind to graduate. Well, not really. I hope to find funding and continue my studies still. That is a wish. I think I can still go on. I feel a little tired of studies though. Hard and dry theory surely bore me silly. I think some of my current courses would be good areas to work on, although the prospect of continuation is in doubt.
I am rushing much of my homework this week due to the beach trip. Of course, I did enjoy it somewhat. I feel empty, and a simple trip like that with nothing special to look forward to. It seems fitting, though I rather something more worthwhile happened. Seems like another week in another year. Things seems to matter less for me now, but I still got a few decisions to make. Graduate or not? Find funding or not? Work or not? Apply for school or not? Lots of things to consider, little time to carry all of them out.
"You have to take the path you have to take..." This is definitely different from "You have to do what you have to do..." Circumstance have not much room for compassion, life do...all it takes is a little more, but can my school provide it?
Anyway, this week, some miscommunication is cleared. Chance of funding, zero. Near zero if its not there already. All the known sources are dried and parched. Well, that is perhaps what is plotted out for me ever since the start of my entire school term here. I feel kind of sad. The pace of life here is good for me. Just a little more, just one funding opportunity like many others have, that would have been enough.
I think in some sense, I've made up my mind to graduate. Well, not really. I hope to find funding and continue my studies still. That is a wish. I think I can still go on. I feel a little tired of studies though. Hard and dry theory surely bore me silly. I think some of my current courses would be good areas to work on, although the prospect of continuation is in doubt.
I am rushing much of my homework this week due to the beach trip. Of course, I did enjoy it somewhat. I feel empty, and a simple trip like that with nothing special to look forward to. It seems fitting, though I rather something more worthwhile happened. Seems like another week in another year. Things seems to matter less for me now, but I still got a few decisions to make. Graduate or not? Find funding or not? Work or not? Apply for school or not? Lots of things to consider, little time to carry all of them out.
"You have to take the path you have to take..." This is definitely different from "You have to do what you have to do..." Circumstance have not much room for compassion, life do...all it takes is a little more, but can my school provide it?
Sunday, September 03, 2006
26th Week 38
3 missing weeks. I'm missing 3 weeks in my life due to a sudden, shocking mishap. Something happened while I'm preparing for my qualifiers, and that took the breath out of my life for 3 weeks and counting. I'm not sure if this is going to take my life one day, but I'm coping with the aftermath. Suddenly, my trip to USA seems doomed for oblivion. A trip that I gave up my life in Singapore for to achieve my dream...Upsetting, but true.
People have said, "They don't care". That is true. I wouldn't say this of many people, but to those that could have mattered to my life, it seems true. I came away from skirmishes with life and came out better, but so far, it seems I'm fighting a losing battle and no one seems willing to fight alongside me. Anyway, not that I'm complaining, but it just seems to me that a bit more compassion towards my situation can save me a lot of worries, but so far, none came.
I was talking to people, and things got better with my inner self. I won the battle in the summer against the qualifier, but possibly lost the war. Hopefully, something can work out soon. I'm pretty unhappy that I have to consider graduation to cut my losses. I think I did better. I made mistakes, but hey, this is education. It is not "Do and Die". I'm here to learn. It's unfortunate that it's the pennies that count at the end of the day.
It would be the beach trip next week. Not a particularly mood lifting occasion for me, but I think I'll go. Homework, finding a job, so many things to do. I have a few friends supporting me, but not much can be done. I'm glad. That is one consolation. I'll continue my fight, till the ball game is over. I'll see who's the winner at the end of the trail. It seems that the trip opened up more than just a part of me. I'm seeing more of myself than I used to know. Let's see if there is something that can make my trip worth its ticket. Let' see if Uncle Dave show's up to save my day. Currently, a benevolent Aunt seems willing to share my woes. I'll try to make this year count, for real.
People have said, "They don't care". That is true. I wouldn't say this of many people, but to those that could have mattered to my life, it seems true. I came away from skirmishes with life and came out better, but so far, it seems I'm fighting a losing battle and no one seems willing to fight alongside me. Anyway, not that I'm complaining, but it just seems to me that a bit more compassion towards my situation can save me a lot of worries, but so far, none came.
I was talking to people, and things got better with my inner self. I won the battle in the summer against the qualifier, but possibly lost the war. Hopefully, something can work out soon. I'm pretty unhappy that I have to consider graduation to cut my losses. I think I did better. I made mistakes, but hey, this is education. It is not "Do and Die". I'm here to learn. It's unfortunate that it's the pennies that count at the end of the day.
It would be the beach trip next week. Not a particularly mood lifting occasion for me, but I think I'll go. Homework, finding a job, so many things to do. I have a few friends supporting me, but not much can be done. I'm glad. That is one consolation. I'll continue my fight, till the ball game is over. I'll see who's the winner at the end of the trail. It seems that the trip opened up more than just a part of me. I'm seeing more of myself than I used to know. Let's see if there is something that can make my trip worth its ticket. Let' see if Uncle Dave show's up to save my day. Currently, a benevolent Aunt seems willing to share my woes. I'll try to make this year count, for real.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
26th Week 34
Another less than exciting week gone. No clubbing this week. No pubbing either. No pretty girls either. Erm... There is a few in my office, but none of my concern anyway. I did get to find out why Lucky B was so crowded on that "fateful" night. One year celebration. Hmm, some of the excess adverts in my email box seems pretty useful nowadays. Expect no less from the re-use expert.
This week is the last week of the qualifier summer camp. Everyone seems prepared, except for me. Karen is busy with work, Adish is AWOL from summer camp, so is John. So is Melinda. Well, I guess we have to go for the qualifier "as is". I think I need to ready my final assault weapon and sharpen the multi utility jackknife (parody from Shura no Toki). Wait, I never had a jackknife. It kinds of remind me of the old days at the boy scouts where we have parangs to chop bamboos, and having a little super useful swiss knife. Anyway, I never owned anything more dangerous than a car. Then again, I think that is dangerous enough.
Sarah was talking about going line dancing again. Unfortunately, I'm still trying to figure how to move my legs without trying to do a shimmy. I guess my legs are getting old. Anyway, it seems that Sarah and Kara have been learning dancing. Also, remembering John's comment that he learnt piano for about twelve years, what a diverse and perhaps enjoyable childhood. Of course, I'm assuming they enjoy it. I would have enjoyed some lessons in it when I was young, of course, after football. So this week, I spare myself the blushes by no diving straight into the event. It would be fun watching her cheerful spirit, but I'm not going to be a "lightbulb".
Over the week, I notice something budding in me. It have been in my character of course, but it seems that it started to grow into another phase. Even when I think of things, I am having a bigger "go for it" factor. Of course, time and tide makes a ship sail or sink. The right attitude must fit the right timing. I think I should still keep my head in the event of the exams to come. Of course, I must say that Danielle has a part in it. I never met her again, but another door is open now. Within me, that is. Anyway, that is that, so I should just move on.
Luciano was very busy over the weekend, and ChuiLong moved in over the week. I wasn't able to help him but he was in good hands. I was tired, simply too tired. I did go get a shredder with ChuiLong though. I always wanted one to shred personal information. I didn't expect ChuiLong to need one too. Used my credit card for the first time. I really wonder what it is like. I have the "shiny treasure" feeling when I got hold of it, but well, I don't really like using it in the first place. Ah well, credit is necessary in USA, so be it then.
One more week to D Day, D for Doom, Decision or Dennis? I wonder. I guess I should get some sleep over it before that.
This week is the last week of the qualifier summer camp. Everyone seems prepared, except for me. Karen is busy with work, Adish is AWOL from summer camp, so is John. So is Melinda. Well, I guess we have to go for the qualifier "as is". I think I need to ready my final assault weapon and sharpen the multi utility jackknife (parody from Shura no Toki). Wait, I never had a jackknife. It kinds of remind me of the old days at the boy scouts where we have parangs to chop bamboos, and having a little super useful swiss knife. Anyway, I never owned anything more dangerous than a car. Then again, I think that is dangerous enough.
Sarah was talking about going line dancing again. Unfortunately, I'm still trying to figure how to move my legs without trying to do a shimmy. I guess my legs are getting old. Anyway, it seems that Sarah and Kara have been learning dancing. Also, remembering John's comment that he learnt piano for about twelve years, what a diverse and perhaps enjoyable childhood. Of course, I'm assuming they enjoy it. I would have enjoyed some lessons in it when I was young, of course, after football. So this week, I spare myself the blushes by no diving straight into the event. It would be fun watching her cheerful spirit, but I'm not going to be a "lightbulb".
Over the week, I notice something budding in me. It have been in my character of course, but it seems that it started to grow into another phase. Even when I think of things, I am having a bigger "go for it" factor. Of course, time and tide makes a ship sail or sink. The right attitude must fit the right timing. I think I should still keep my head in the event of the exams to come. Of course, I must say that Danielle has a part in it. I never met her again, but another door is open now. Within me, that is. Anyway, that is that, so I should just move on.
Luciano was very busy over the weekend, and ChuiLong moved in over the week. I wasn't able to help him but he was in good hands. I was tired, simply too tired. I did go get a shredder with ChuiLong though. I always wanted one to shred personal information. I didn't expect ChuiLong to need one too. Used my credit card for the first time. I really wonder what it is like. I have the "shiny treasure" feeling when I got hold of it, but well, I don't really like using it in the first place. Ah well, credit is necessary in USA, so be it then.
One more week to D Day, D for Doom, Decision or Dennis? I wonder. I guess I should get some sleep over it before that.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
26th Week 33
Another fruitless week goes into memory without much event. Well, almost no event. The week is fruitless in terms of studies again. Barely having time to rest, I focus most of my off work time to relaxation and enjoyment. People need to relax don't they? Plus I'm not local, meaning I need more time to feel at ease. Of course, all these would be just excuse without productive output. Unfortunately, nothing is guaranteed until output is confirmed. If only I can have the qualifier early. Of course, it might not have been a good idea anyway, just like I had once thought I'd have enough foundation to waive my courses.
Well, I should not be naming it Qualifiers, since I'm focused more on passing the Masters. I keep my focus on viewing of adding the Qualifiers to scalp of the Masters exam if I can. Based on my semesters' grades, it should not be a huge problem, but of course, nothing is for granted. I never felt that I have a good chance of passing. This is the filter to the PhD after all.
I did some reading of course. My work is about research, but my research was about novas and nebulae. Seems out of topic, but I was drawn into relativity. Maybe I'll keep that in mind. Science is not perfect after all. Anything man made is definitely far from perfect, including exams.
Ok, enough talk about the exams. I was planning to enjoy the week with Sarah on her birthday. Of course, I'm not the only one to join her. I went to City Limits and ended up learning and trying hard to fudge a proper line dance sequence. I was pretty good with my feet, even with some dancing, but lack of practice really hurts my movements. Even when I think of my footballing, I realize that I have taken the slow and steady approach, which is not well suited for moderate to fast movements. In short, I'm slow now, which I better pass it off as "dance idiot" than "outdated". Its just a matter of which hurts less.
I left early, although I'm the last guy to leave. Stephanie and Kara started to get some wine, and Sarah is having some sort of reunion, and well, I have nothing. Standing there dazed is ok, but I'm out of place sitting among five girls who I have little in common. I supposed I am out of tune to start with.
What was more eventful was what happened after that. I left early, so the night is young. I thought, "Well, I could go Farmer's market, better call Luciano". In the end, I went to his house and we together with John, we went out for pool. The only problem, we don't get to play it. We went to Lucky B's and it was crowded, unusually so, according to Luciano. We had a discussion on girls at a pub, and I shot myself in the foot with a remark true for people I've been with in Singapore. Clubbing is not the best way to mix with girls. We had a small unofficial bet. We need to talk and mix with girls. Not my idea, I'm for pool, but since I'm at a pub, which is supposed to be a place for fun, I kept smiling like I usually do, since I'm there for fun.
In a rare coincidence, I ended up between two beautiful dancing girls. I kept my hands in my pocket like I usually do, not that I had some other ideas. I am slow after all, so Luciano said, "Take your hands out" and I said, "Yeah, but I was slow". Next thing I knew, one of the two girls pulled me in again and we "danced". I don't know how to, but with the limited amount of space I have, I kept trying to keep my body moving in synch and it seems good enough. It was probably the closest I ever got to a girl I don't knew. I did get to know her name though. Danielle. Unfortunately, I couldn't hear what she tried to converse to me after our introduction. That led to my sin for the night actually, I didn't ask for her number! It was a first in many ways, though the phone part is not a first. Old "habit" (problems) die hard I guess.
Actually, for a first timer, I think I did fine, not too good, but ok, but the shock of being able to dance with a pretty girl took me by surprise. It wasn't something I'm proud of, but I felt good about it, since it is why I find some trickles of life here more adaptable than back in Singapore. I definitely won't find this happening to me in Singapore. People here express themselves freely and are more open to people who are different. Well, hopefully not different as in "Carl" like, of course. In some ways, I felt that I am right to come here and search for the opening I wanted to my life, and the meeting with Danielle seems to woke up certain portions of me that has been dormant while I'm struggling with life as well. I might not meet her again, although I would like to so that I can thank her. Everyday is indeed another chance to learn. I learn all the time though, even if I'm re-watching the same old shows. Of course, a typical Singapore guy might imagine more than that, but I'm not shorting my circuits out. I know the chances and limits. I'm a probabilist, and a pretty good one before my Qualifiers.
Oh, perhaps one lame excuse I could offer is the loud music broke up our conversation, and she left early. I would have sent her back if I had the chance of course. No other thoughts, cross my heart. Well, maybe not that many. I was pretty dazed after a day of work and some alcohol.
Other than that, there was nothing much left for the week. The irony of the week kept me thinking, "What was I thinking?" I left a birthday gathering of five girls and a guy (only me!) to look for two guys to drink a bit and play pool. I was, then, dancing with a pretty girl (two before the one most memorable one of the week) and forgot to ask for her number. Danielle. Glad to have met you. You might never hear it from me directly, but I hope you do.
Well, I guess life is like that. This line might be from a anime, but it sure sums a lot of things up in the most appropriate way. "We have to take the path we have". I messed things up and I might need to pay for it, including that pinchy feeling of not doing something. Well well, now, back to work. I look forward to the future, like I always do, but I think something is different now, really, although i'm still watching my favourite anime and plays lots of computer games. Let's see what the conclusion to my story is. The chance of meeting Danielle again is not zero, though small.
Well, I should not be naming it Qualifiers, since I'm focused more on passing the Masters. I keep my focus on viewing of adding the Qualifiers to scalp of the Masters exam if I can. Based on my semesters' grades, it should not be a huge problem, but of course, nothing is for granted. I never felt that I have a good chance of passing. This is the filter to the PhD after all.
I did some reading of course. My work is about research, but my research was about novas and nebulae. Seems out of topic, but I was drawn into relativity. Maybe I'll keep that in mind. Science is not perfect after all. Anything man made is definitely far from perfect, including exams.
Ok, enough talk about the exams. I was planning to enjoy the week with Sarah on her birthday. Of course, I'm not the only one to join her. I went to City Limits and ended up learning and trying hard to fudge a proper line dance sequence. I was pretty good with my feet, even with some dancing, but lack of practice really hurts my movements. Even when I think of my footballing, I realize that I have taken the slow and steady approach, which is not well suited for moderate to fast movements. In short, I'm slow now, which I better pass it off as "dance idiot" than "outdated". Its just a matter of which hurts less.
I left early, although I'm the last guy to leave. Stephanie and Kara started to get some wine, and Sarah is having some sort of reunion, and well, I have nothing. Standing there dazed is ok, but I'm out of place sitting among five girls who I have little in common. I supposed I am out of tune to start with.
What was more eventful was what happened after that. I left early, so the night is young. I thought, "Well, I could go Farmer's market, better call Luciano". In the end, I went to his house and we together with John, we went out for pool. The only problem, we don't get to play it. We went to Lucky B's and it was crowded, unusually so, according to Luciano. We had a discussion on girls at a pub, and I shot myself in the foot with a remark true for people I've been with in Singapore. Clubbing is not the best way to mix with girls. We had a small unofficial bet. We need to talk and mix with girls. Not my idea, I'm for pool, but since I'm at a pub, which is supposed to be a place for fun, I kept smiling like I usually do, since I'm there for fun.
In a rare coincidence, I ended up between two beautiful dancing girls. I kept my hands in my pocket like I usually do, not that I had some other ideas. I am slow after all, so Luciano said, "Take your hands out" and I said, "Yeah, but I was slow". Next thing I knew, one of the two girls pulled me in again and we "danced". I don't know how to, but with the limited amount of space I have, I kept trying to keep my body moving in synch and it seems good enough. It was probably the closest I ever got to a girl I don't knew. I did get to know her name though. Danielle. Unfortunately, I couldn't hear what she tried to converse to me after our introduction. That led to my sin for the night actually, I didn't ask for her number! It was a first in many ways, though the phone part is not a first. Old "habit" (problems) die hard I guess.
Actually, for a first timer, I think I did fine, not too good, but ok, but the shock of being able to dance with a pretty girl took me by surprise. It wasn't something I'm proud of, but I felt good about it, since it is why I find some trickles of life here more adaptable than back in Singapore. I definitely won't find this happening to me in Singapore. People here express themselves freely and are more open to people who are different. Well, hopefully not different as in "Carl" like, of course. In some ways, I felt that I am right to come here and search for the opening I wanted to my life, and the meeting with Danielle seems to woke up certain portions of me that has been dormant while I'm struggling with life as well. I might not meet her again, although I would like to so that I can thank her. Everyday is indeed another chance to learn. I learn all the time though, even if I'm re-watching the same old shows. Of course, a typical Singapore guy might imagine more than that, but I'm not shorting my circuits out. I know the chances and limits. I'm a probabilist, and a pretty good one before my Qualifiers.
Oh, perhaps one lame excuse I could offer is the loud music broke up our conversation, and she left early. I would have sent her back if I had the chance of course. No other thoughts, cross my heart. Well, maybe not that many. I was pretty dazed after a day of work and some alcohol.
Other than that, there was nothing much left for the week. The irony of the week kept me thinking, "What was I thinking?" I left a birthday gathering of five girls and a guy (only me!) to look for two guys to drink a bit and play pool. I was, then, dancing with a pretty girl (two before the one most memorable one of the week) and forgot to ask for her number. Danielle. Glad to have met you. You might never hear it from me directly, but I hope you do.
Well, I guess life is like that. This line might be from a anime, but it sure sums a lot of things up in the most appropriate way. "We have to take the path we have". I messed things up and I might need to pay for it, including that pinchy feeling of not doing something. Well well, now, back to work. I look forward to the future, like I always do, but I think something is different now, really, although i'm still watching my favourite anime and plays lots of computer games. Let's see what the conclusion to my story is. The chance of meeting Danielle again is not zero, though small.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
26th Week 32
Hectic week. Work work work. Well, not really all work, but I do feel unwell in the middle of the week due to lack of sleep. How do I know? After I sleep more, it went fine! Everything that we do not know is answered through trial and error! Well, that's the thing I feel Vandread highlighted well.
The monthly bill is here, and if anyone hoped Alex will be ever helpful and generous, nope, no way. This month's bill summed up to a whopping hundred, and the lamps, yes, I thought he would consider a parting gift. Well, not that I was expecting. I was just waiting for a total bill anyway. For one who shops Whole Foods more than I go to Food Lion, he certainly is more money concious than I thought. He probably is picky when dealing with a foreigner like myself. At least he didn't try funny tricks, which is good. Number of times we went shopping grocery, one, number of times he helped me when I'm stranded, none. Even Sarah rushed to my aid when I needed help.
Well, comparing Sarah to him is unfair to Sarah. She is very nice, full stop. Her birthday is coming soon, but the typical "Dennis is slow and blur" stunt didn't work this time, so we'll be seeing how we shall go out together openly for her birthday, ahem, with some other classmates. Hm, no element of surprise, how atypical of me. Well, I guess I'm actually used to it. I was never romantic to begin with, and I think they are used to me acting conveniently blur most of the time.
I shot myself in the foot this week when I agreed to help out in doing some OT. By the time I am about to go to work, I'm half asleep and really prefer to "work" my sleeping more. Anyway, I did spend six hours on work on Saturday, but I think I might have done some revision if not for that. Who knows. And, I did not do any revision this week, so I am safe to assume that everyone is way ahead of me. Boohoo...failure on my qualifier is on the cards...
More things to cry about. I realised that I am being taxed heavily for my work. For some reason, the school is putting my work as a fellowship, and while it is logical in some ways, this is another classic example of "how much I think the school have helped me" with me slapping the payslip right in the middle. I working my butt off to fund my tuition fees, and I get taxed more than what I should be! They are taxing me way more than what they should if they treat me as a working student. Now, I work hard and get ripped off again. Yes, AGAIN. The school helped me? When? I think I'm sick of this. I can work hard for less, not for nothing. Now, I don't even get treated at the very the least that I worked hard for. Silly, just plain silly.
The monthly bill is here, and if anyone hoped Alex will be ever helpful and generous, nope, no way. This month's bill summed up to a whopping hundred, and the lamps, yes, I thought he would consider a parting gift. Well, not that I was expecting. I was just waiting for a total bill anyway. For one who shops Whole Foods more than I go to Food Lion, he certainly is more money concious than I thought. He probably is picky when dealing with a foreigner like myself. At least he didn't try funny tricks, which is good. Number of times we went shopping grocery, one, number of times he helped me when I'm stranded, none. Even Sarah rushed to my aid when I needed help.
Well, comparing Sarah to him is unfair to Sarah. She is very nice, full stop. Her birthday is coming soon, but the typical "Dennis is slow and blur" stunt didn't work this time, so we'll be seeing how we shall go out together openly for her birthday, ahem, with some other classmates. Hm, no element of surprise, how atypical of me. Well, I guess I'm actually used to it. I was never romantic to begin with, and I think they are used to me acting conveniently blur most of the time.
I shot myself in the foot this week when I agreed to help out in doing some OT. By the time I am about to go to work, I'm half asleep and really prefer to "work" my sleeping more. Anyway, I did spend six hours on work on Saturday, but I think I might have done some revision if not for that. Who knows. And, I did not do any revision this week, so I am safe to assume that everyone is way ahead of me. Boohoo...failure on my qualifier is on the cards...
More things to cry about. I realised that I am being taxed heavily for my work. For some reason, the school is putting my work as a fellowship, and while it is logical in some ways, this is another classic example of "how much I think the school have helped me" with me slapping the payslip right in the middle. I working my butt off to fund my tuition fees, and I get taxed more than what I should be! They are taxing me way more than what they should if they treat me as a working student. Now, I work hard and get ripped off again. Yes, AGAIN. The school helped me? When? I think I'm sick of this. I can work hard for less, not for nothing. Now, I don't even get treated at the very the least that I worked hard for. Silly, just plain silly.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
26th Week 31
Another week gone, but this week is very unproductive. I have done quite a lot of work in office but none for my qualifier. I guess I shall always name it as my number one reason for failure. What can I do when no one watches my back? I can try to watch my own funds, but what did the school do to help me? Nothing. I did get my pay, which is at least some regulated action. Else, nothing. I don't seem to know how they are fulfilling their promise of making my studies there a success when not only I need to work hard within all the regulation and still get my stuff hindered. School, not so good. Work, quite good.
My work performance is ok. I am being distracted both on my studies and work. Add that with a qualifier. Who has a tougher workload than mine? Only Adish and Karen have full time commitments, Adish skipped qualifier preparation, Karen studies part time. I'm not going to find excuses, but it seems most things in school are going my way. I'm still taking high targets. I'm not one to lower expectations. It's when the environment stifles you, that is frustrating. That is the feeling I got back in Singapore, that is the feeling I get now. I can see less restrictions, but still, it still has way to go. I feel like I'm removing shackles. Funny, it seems.
Talking about shackles. I am removing them day by day in work. I think the Asian work mentality is affecting me a bit. I'm being conservative while exposing my bad habits. Its a bit of a dual route style to work. They tell me what I can do while I want them to tell me what I should not do. It's working a bit, but its slow. You know, its not like people will tell you everything. Only your family will tell you what went wrong and whatever. Others....maybe, give and take how close the person is to you. I'll be fine. I just seem to be more and more unproductive since I'm busy with house clearing and others.
Alex is moving out, and I do expect him to be the usual stingy self in separating things. Well, let's just say I have always used less than half the rent and half, if not more, of everything. And still, he shows no compassion as to how a foreigner is reacting to life in uncharted waters. Travel makes you grow? Like I always believed. Information and knowledge has to be used correctly, even in learning. I do learn everyday, and so do others, but what I see others use their brains for is less than that of its full exert-able potential, not to mention we can't use every drip of potential to begin with. Ah well, life is fair, what goes around will come around. I get cheated and ripped, someday, I'll be able to get back what I lost, if I work hard for it, of course.
Big Ben left. Sigh. Of all people. Ah well, I hope we go for KG soon. Flip made some signings, but we need more.
My work performance is ok. I am being distracted both on my studies and work. Add that with a qualifier. Who has a tougher workload than mine? Only Adish and Karen have full time commitments, Adish skipped qualifier preparation, Karen studies part time. I'm not going to find excuses, but it seems most things in school are going my way. I'm still taking high targets. I'm not one to lower expectations. It's when the environment stifles you, that is frustrating. That is the feeling I got back in Singapore, that is the feeling I get now. I can see less restrictions, but still, it still has way to go. I feel like I'm removing shackles. Funny, it seems.
Talking about shackles. I am removing them day by day in work. I think the Asian work mentality is affecting me a bit. I'm being conservative while exposing my bad habits. Its a bit of a dual route style to work. They tell me what I can do while I want them to tell me what I should not do. It's working a bit, but its slow. You know, its not like people will tell you everything. Only your family will tell you what went wrong and whatever. Others....maybe, give and take how close the person is to you. I'll be fine. I just seem to be more and more unproductive since I'm busy with house clearing and others.
Alex is moving out, and I do expect him to be the usual stingy self in separating things. Well, let's just say I have always used less than half the rent and half, if not more, of everything. And still, he shows no compassion as to how a foreigner is reacting to life in uncharted waters. Travel makes you grow? Like I always believed. Information and knowledge has to be used correctly, even in learning. I do learn everyday, and so do others, but what I see others use their brains for is less than that of its full exert-able potential, not to mention we can't use every drip of potential to begin with. Ah well, life is fair, what goes around will come around. I get cheated and ripped, someday, I'll be able to get back what I lost, if I work hard for it, of course.
Big Ben left. Sigh. Of all people. Ah well, I hope we go for KG soon. Flip made some signings, but we need more.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
26th Week 30
Germany 2006 came to a close. Against all odds, scandal hit Italy won its fourth gold star. To be frank, I really rather France won it. The fact that Italy had some dubious ways of winning games seems to annoy me a lot. Still, I'm not taking anything away from a valid win. They did not dive in the box this time. They won they game when Trazeguet, who played in Italy missed his penalty. Coincidence? Buffon was beaten, and the ball still landed outside the goal.
The game is marked by the sending off of Zidane. Unfortunate scenario, and pretty anti-climatic. The build up for the grand finale of his career, and he ended his legacy with a headbutt, right in the middle of Materazzi's chest. Materazzi was sent off in Australia's match and has been a avid red card collector, yet, he is the "victim". Wonder what have been more ironical in a boring World Cup.
This post is late by three weeks, which is also a bad thing. One has to realise that I do not have that much time on my graduate lifespan, and that prompted me to work harder. Work is typical. Not the most fantastic "start" to my career, but since it provides some means of covering my tuition, I'll try to give them my best while being given the simplest of tasks. One thing though, I tend to be careless which is a very visible shortcoming when you consider that most of the work I do at the moment is proofreading. Yeah, with a sleepy head. And a busy schedule. And a less than co-operative scenario in school.
I was able to remember / find out that the weekend is Stephanie's birthday. I was not able to do anything of course. Penniless due to the long cash drought. Lack of preparation time. Also, I don't really know her that super well. We do go out in group outings, so I thought I try to find something to work, which of course fizzled as my mind shut down due to lack of sleep. I did at least let her know that I know her birthday, which is some meagre action on my part. Still, Happy Birthday, Steph!
The game is marked by the sending off of Zidane. Unfortunate scenario, and pretty anti-climatic. The build up for the grand finale of his career, and he ended his legacy with a headbutt, right in the middle of Materazzi's chest. Materazzi was sent off in Australia's match and has been a avid red card collector, yet, he is the "victim". Wonder what have been more ironical in a boring World Cup.
This post is late by three weeks, which is also a bad thing. One has to realise that I do not have that much time on my graduate lifespan, and that prompted me to work harder. Work is typical. Not the most fantastic "start" to my career, but since it provides some means of covering my tuition, I'll try to give them my best while being given the simplest of tasks. One thing though, I tend to be careless which is a very visible shortcoming when you consider that most of the work I do at the moment is proofreading. Yeah, with a sleepy head. And a busy schedule. And a less than co-operative scenario in school.
I was able to remember / find out that the weekend is Stephanie's birthday. I was not able to do anything of course. Penniless due to the long cash drought. Lack of preparation time. Also, I don't really know her that super well. We do go out in group outings, so I thought I try to find something to work, which of course fizzled as my mind shut down due to lack of sleep. I did at least let her know that I know her birthday, which is some meagre action on my part. Still, Happy Birthday, Steph!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
26th Week 29
As the World Cup rumbles on, this year, it turns out that this year is no common World Cup. Why? Usually, as the shocks come, they come in the first two rounds, and at most up to the quarters for at most one or (at worst) two matches. This year, the favourites get knocked out at the most important stretch. Also, France made a revival of sorts and set what I believe to be the confirmation of two trends.
One, "old coach squad selection down syndrome". It is a recurring infection which affects the squad selection day in day out until the coach steps down or sacked. England, Brazil and a bit of Spain suffered from this. All three teams opt to play out of form players which cause a mini revival, but not enough to match their past prime. For Spain, it was only a slight infection. France have to choose their veterans, since they have no one else to choose from anyway, so they are excused. France then beat a Brazil which was built around no one, yes no one, not even Ronaldinho. Ronaldinho played badly, but they lacked inspiration since. I remember Leonardo, depsite being captain (I think), being dropped after the first game or two when Brazil went on to win the World Cup. The superstars of Brazil got grounded.
Two, "sweetest revenge". Just like Ranieri's Chelsea knocking Arsenal out when they are unbeatable a few seasons ago, and Liverpool winning Chelsea at that all-imporatnt Champions League match, Henry chose the best time to beat Ronaldinho. Henry lost the Champions League tie, but he scored to knock Brazil off the list of contenders. Isn't it sweet? The story doesn't end here but there is too much stories to write on this!
The low point was when Rooney got sent off. He probably deserve the red card, but I would say that he might have escaped on a yellow card if he did not shove Ronaldo. Yes, he stamped on someone at the most crucial parts of any man, but when you accidentally step on someone, on anywhere, how do you get off him? You try to put your foot off him asap! Which is what Rooney did! I do find Ronaldo's actions tasteless since it is obvious that minus the stamping part, the foul should be against Portugal. Also, people tend to forget, retaliation is a straight red! Rooney shoved Ronaldo, and that is retaliation! It's silly but I'm sure at least seven out of ten players would do the same, especially when he feels innocent. And, a wink does not mean an evil plot being excercised. It could be anything, but I'm not here to discuss what Ronaldo actually wanted to do. I hate his 'dive and whine' anyway, so I don't see a difference, but I feel he is in some ways just being young, like Rooney.
As for a quick review on my thumbs up and thumbs down on coaches...players? No comment.
I originally dislike Aargones, but I am impressed at him fulfilling his word of stepping down after his defeat. It is hard to find a good tactical manager anyway, so I felt having integrity is important for a coach
Pekerman is really unlucky. Let me cite another similar scenario. Bayern versus Manchester in that fateful final. Bayern subbed out all their good players legally. Pekerman only have two legal substitutes! He lost one through injury! It is perhaps his oversight not to use Messi but despite that point, I find him a really good manager.
Sven, thumbs down. He's successful, but like I said earlier on, inflexible and prone to trend one. He is lucky to have a batch of talented and rather efficient players. He did take the blame and that is what I expect of a professional coach like him. He probably need a good tactical assistant. I think Steve McClaren would need one too. Not that I think he is not good, but I feel it is not enough to carve the full potential out of the current England squad.
Lippi, down. If he followed Arsene's way of saying "I didn't see that", or "I felt it is a foul", I might have liked his response against the Aussies. The foul should be given outside the area, Grosso obviously took advantage of it. The referee should either play a free kick which Italy could capitalise anyway, or put the foul outside the box. Isn't this scenario why they changed the straight penalty to a possible free kick for, for that unfortunate foul that should not be a penalty?
Parreira, down. He did take the blame professionally, which impresses me. But with an abundance of stars, it is be terribly wrong to go out in the quarter finals. Brazil needs someone like Scolari back.
Klinsmann, very thumbs up. When I hear attacking football and Germany, I thought it might be a typical Manchester style of slow build up, but no, this one is way faster, and I must say, Brian got it right on spot. Germany should win it unless (most of) the Italians (players) have some dirty tricks up their sleeves again. Of course, when I say "most of", I always exclude Gattuso. I rate him highly. Buffon is ok. If the kids from Roma are out of the team, maybe I'll like Italy more. Totti is talented but acts like a spoilt kid, and to imagine that he is way older than Rooney makes me wonder why is he so highly paid. Besides, I remember his more obviously purposeful stamp on a Leverkusan player, and he didn't get sent off?
School wise, I tried my first full paper on the qualifiers. Took five hours and only have confidence on about forty marks. How am I going to pass? I feel sick of this, since obviously people don't realise that this is a very hard thing to juggle. I find it sickening that people pass off the words like, "there is time after work", "work harder" or "you chose this yourself". Did I choose not to receive funding despite performing well? I find it tasteless that people having funding are saying these things to me. While I understand that they are not in my shoes, but I would have hoped that they used more common sense before they say anything. And maybe the part of the brains that they overuse for academic excercise and not anything else. If I don't work full time, my next year's tuition is not confirmed, which means I'll fail the course without a fight. If I fail my Masters, I'll fail the program also. So telling me to do what I am trying to do is not something I like to hear, since I feel that it is senseless. Some understand and refrain from making comments, and I really appreciate it since they know it is nearly hopeless in terms of workload. Don't I need rest? Am I a robot? I think that's it. Full stop. At least the most annoying Carl is not here to add his portion of insensitivity. It might be worse.
One note, I notice I haven't been talking about wrestling lately, which I think coincide with the inevitable return of DX. See a link?
One, "old coach squad selection down syndrome". It is a recurring infection which affects the squad selection day in day out until the coach steps down or sacked. England, Brazil and a bit of Spain suffered from this. All three teams opt to play out of form players which cause a mini revival, but not enough to match their past prime. For Spain, it was only a slight infection. France have to choose their veterans, since they have no one else to choose from anyway, so they are excused. France then beat a Brazil which was built around no one, yes no one, not even Ronaldinho. Ronaldinho played badly, but they lacked inspiration since. I remember Leonardo, depsite being captain (I think), being dropped after the first game or two when Brazil went on to win the World Cup. The superstars of Brazil got grounded.
Two, "sweetest revenge". Just like Ranieri's Chelsea knocking Arsenal out when they are unbeatable a few seasons ago, and Liverpool winning Chelsea at that all-imporatnt Champions League match, Henry chose the best time to beat Ronaldinho. Henry lost the Champions League tie, but he scored to knock Brazil off the list of contenders. Isn't it sweet? The story doesn't end here but there is too much stories to write on this!
The low point was when Rooney got sent off. He probably deserve the red card, but I would say that he might have escaped on a yellow card if he did not shove Ronaldo. Yes, he stamped on someone at the most crucial parts of any man, but when you accidentally step on someone, on anywhere, how do you get off him? You try to put your foot off him asap! Which is what Rooney did! I do find Ronaldo's actions tasteless since it is obvious that minus the stamping part, the foul should be against Portugal. Also, people tend to forget, retaliation is a straight red! Rooney shoved Ronaldo, and that is retaliation! It's silly but I'm sure at least seven out of ten players would do the same, especially when he feels innocent. And, a wink does not mean an evil plot being excercised. It could be anything, but I'm not here to discuss what Ronaldo actually wanted to do. I hate his 'dive and whine' anyway, so I don't see a difference, but I feel he is in some ways just being young, like Rooney.
As for a quick review on my thumbs up and thumbs down on coaches...players? No comment.
I originally dislike Aargones, but I am impressed at him fulfilling his word of stepping down after his defeat. It is hard to find a good tactical manager anyway, so I felt having integrity is important for a coach
Pekerman is really unlucky. Let me cite another similar scenario. Bayern versus Manchester in that fateful final. Bayern subbed out all their good players legally. Pekerman only have two legal substitutes! He lost one through injury! It is perhaps his oversight not to use Messi but despite that point, I find him a really good manager.
Sven, thumbs down. He's successful, but like I said earlier on, inflexible and prone to trend one. He is lucky to have a batch of talented and rather efficient players. He did take the blame and that is what I expect of a professional coach like him. He probably need a good tactical assistant. I think Steve McClaren would need one too. Not that I think he is not good, but I feel it is not enough to carve the full potential out of the current England squad.
Lippi, down. If he followed Arsene's way of saying "I didn't see that", or "I felt it is a foul", I might have liked his response against the Aussies. The foul should be given outside the area, Grosso obviously took advantage of it. The referee should either play a free kick which Italy could capitalise anyway, or put the foul outside the box. Isn't this scenario why they changed the straight penalty to a possible free kick for, for that unfortunate foul that should not be a penalty?
Parreira, down. He did take the blame professionally, which impresses me. But with an abundance of stars, it is be terribly wrong to go out in the quarter finals. Brazil needs someone like Scolari back.
Klinsmann, very thumbs up. When I hear attacking football and Germany, I thought it might be a typical Manchester style of slow build up, but no, this one is way faster, and I must say, Brian got it right on spot. Germany should win it unless (most of) the Italians (players) have some dirty tricks up their sleeves again. Of course, when I say "most of", I always exclude Gattuso. I rate him highly. Buffon is ok. If the kids from Roma are out of the team, maybe I'll like Italy more. Totti is talented but acts like a spoilt kid, and to imagine that he is way older than Rooney makes me wonder why is he so highly paid. Besides, I remember his more obviously purposeful stamp on a Leverkusan player, and he didn't get sent off?
School wise, I tried my first full paper on the qualifiers. Took five hours and only have confidence on about forty marks. How am I going to pass? I feel sick of this, since obviously people don't realise that this is a very hard thing to juggle. I find it sickening that people pass off the words like, "there is time after work", "work harder" or "you chose this yourself". Did I choose not to receive funding despite performing well? I find it tasteless that people having funding are saying these things to me. While I understand that they are not in my shoes, but I would have hoped that they used more common sense before they say anything. And maybe the part of the brains that they overuse for academic excercise and not anything else. If I don't work full time, my next year's tuition is not confirmed, which means I'll fail the course without a fight. If I fail my Masters, I'll fail the program also. So telling me to do what I am trying to do is not something I like to hear, since I feel that it is senseless. Some understand and refrain from making comments, and I really appreciate it since they know it is nearly hopeless in terms of workload. Don't I need rest? Am I a robot? I think that's it. Full stop. At least the most annoying Carl is not here to add his portion of insensitivity. It might be worse.
One note, I notice I haven't been talking about wrestling lately, which I think coincide with the inevitable return of DX. See a link?
Sunday, June 25, 2006
26th Week 28
Another week of World Cup. Upsets and stunners. Well, not many in this World Cup. As usual, I am contradicting a lot of people in this World Cup, but people tend to follow over hyped players and teams rather than look at form.
The other low point so far is the crazed 20 yellows in the
The week is tiring, and frustrating. A bad tummy and a costly visit. Who would pay forty dollars for a simple medical visit? I think the school should revise the cost system here. Two weeks from the second summer term and I paid forty bucks that entitles me to only use the facilities for two weeks? If I'm broke and dying, that means I should die since I did not pay tuition fees? It sounds a bit harsh on my version of things but I'm just commenting on the harshness of the system. Plain outrageous and downright uncompassionate. The service desk hinted about the cost but its an emergency. I think if I could have, I would heed the service desk's advice, but I don't have a choice. It seems that the system here is a "money and more money" system. The system definitely needs a touch of compassion.
Qualifier preparation? Dumps. Masters preparation? Dumps. I'm getting the feeling the school is only interested in the tuition fees I pay. I work full time and have nearly zero hours of revision for my exams. And I'm expected to pass them in order to graduate. And my tuition fees are wasted if I fail. So who will look at my case and try to help? No one from school. My friends are busy with their own preparation, which tells you how hard it is to pass. So I am left with two choices, die or die. What sort of welfare is this? I sort of gave up on the school's bureaucratic tendencies. Impossibly uncompassionate, if not devoid of compassion.
Well, back to work. Other than me and Karen, and possibly Adish, who else needs to work through their qualifiers without trying any of the papers? I get the notions to work harder, but hey, who else have to go through all this?
Sunday, June 18, 2006
26th Week 27
It has been a month since I started a bit of the current work I did. I am currently paid through the school for some department related settings. But to imagine that everything will go well due to that, it must be a dream, a really good dream. My first paycheck was messed up. Although my boss apologized to me about the mix-up, but the fact remains, my school did not bother to check if all my documents are in place even when I voluntarily asked to make sure it is. It tells you that the department doesn't honour my hard work, and to make things more unsavoury, I heard of things about my International Student Office that sort of confirms on attitude my university has for foreigners. I have a feeling that my tuition fees and money are the only thing that the administration cares about. Not the quality of my education. The quality is only used as a lip service for most of the scenarios that I've seen. Well, mostly lip service. Some go more than that, some much less. The only thing why such negative sentiments have not subsided is due to the fact that there are more who do less that those who do more or even enough. I know a black sheep can ruin the market, but still, there are white sheeps around.
I've met nice people at the university, but unfortunately, they are not the ones who make the decisions. And the ones that do gives little care to international students in need. I needed a bit of help, but none came from my school. I am not the worst prepared. I have seen and heard of much worse situations that other students have met. To top it up, there is one comment that I would like to make of international students as well. Not all international students are benevolent to others, especially those who need help. I might be a bit harsh, but I am certain that there are people who look at my hard work with scorn, despite being one that are willing to help others. Life is fair and we should be fair to others as much as we can. I received an unsavoury exchange of comments from a classmate, and I expect the classmate to realise the mistake. I'm not expecting an apology, since the culprits never apologizes in this land that I know of so far. I expect improvement in attitude, that is all. No more brainless and unfeeling comments.
This week was made worse when my boss told me that my performance is bad. I expected it. No one is helping me outside of my work other than Luciano. Not school, not my department who, I heard, gets a cut of my pay. Not even my car. I stopped short of telling my boss that all these unhelpful situations hampered my performance. Not that it is a true reason, but let us not forget that I am a foreigner. I need time to adjust. Still, I did not mention that to my boss since I feel that I should buck up in terms of professionalism. I'm considering telling him the truth, since I was told I am not given much work because of the much lower performance. It is so unfair. I can even sense that my colleagues are not very happy about me. I wonder if they harhour the same sentiments as that from my school. I feel that the someone is waiting for my demise. I'm doing everything I can and in the right way, and I don't get "rewarded", not even my pay?
Anyway, World Cup fever reached a "high", and yes, not the usual high. I noticed that there are no upsets until Ghana beat Czech. There are an excessive number of red cards. All the big guns are winning except Czech and France. Of course, I don't get upset because of it, but its a stale World Cup if big guns roll all the way. Imagine this, Brazil as hot favourites, and wins it even if they play badly. Why would I bother to turn on the TV then? I rather watch the Champions League Final ten times than watch a World Cup game. Arsenal played a good game, but got ruined by a piece of bad refereeing. Still, they provided some shock factor. The World Cup? The least that I expect is a good team play. France played Barthez and let in a soft goal. Raymond Domenech should be responsible for this blunder. Henry is going to be like Schevchenko, a talented player not to reach the heights of the World Cup. Unfortunate, but true. Anyway, Heat for the title. I don't want the team that beat the Pistons to lose to another team!
I've met nice people at the university, but unfortunately, they are not the ones who make the decisions. And the ones that do gives little care to international students in need. I needed a bit of help, but none came from my school. I am not the worst prepared. I have seen and heard of much worse situations that other students have met. To top it up, there is one comment that I would like to make of international students as well. Not all international students are benevolent to others, especially those who need help. I might be a bit harsh, but I am certain that there are people who look at my hard work with scorn, despite being one that are willing to help others. Life is fair and we should be fair to others as much as we can. I received an unsavoury exchange of comments from a classmate, and I expect the classmate to realise the mistake. I'm not expecting an apology, since the culprits never apologizes in this land that I know of so far. I expect improvement in attitude, that is all. No more brainless and unfeeling comments.
This week was made worse when my boss told me that my performance is bad. I expected it. No one is helping me outside of my work other than Luciano. Not school, not my department who, I heard, gets a cut of my pay. Not even my car. I stopped short of telling my boss that all these unhelpful situations hampered my performance. Not that it is a true reason, but let us not forget that I am a foreigner. I need time to adjust. Still, I did not mention that to my boss since I feel that I should buck up in terms of professionalism. I'm considering telling him the truth, since I was told I am not given much work because of the much lower performance. It is so unfair. I can even sense that my colleagues are not very happy about me. I wonder if they harhour the same sentiments as that from my school. I feel that the someone is waiting for my demise. I'm doing everything I can and in the right way, and I don't get "rewarded", not even my pay?
Anyway, World Cup fever reached a "high", and yes, not the usual high. I noticed that there are no upsets until Ghana beat Czech. There are an excessive number of red cards. All the big guns are winning except Czech and France. Of course, I don't get upset because of it, but its a stale World Cup if big guns roll all the way. Imagine this, Brazil as hot favourites, and wins it even if they play badly. Why would I bother to turn on the TV then? I rather watch the Champions League Final ten times than watch a World Cup game. Arsenal played a good game, but got ruined by a piece of bad refereeing. Still, they provided some shock factor. The World Cup? The least that I expect is a good team play. France played Barthez and let in a soft goal. Raymond Domenech should be responsible for this blunder. Henry is going to be like Schevchenko, a talented player not to reach the heights of the World Cup. Unfortunate, but true. Anyway, Heat for the title. I don't want the team that beat the Pistons to lose to another team!
Sunday, June 11, 2006
26th Week 26
This week is the start of the World Cup. Every World Cup is a huge thing in Singapore. Of all places I can be during a World Cup, I'm in USA, the country that never had a huge following for the World Cup to begin with. I do hear a few people interested in watching it but there is only one or two. You have to minus the foreigners here since Luciano and his Brazilian friends are definitely going to watch every match if ever possible.
Anyway, besides that, there are a few things that are more worrisome. I'm getting broke, my car is not getting well, and I can't get both problems solved. The thing is, I need to prepare for my Master's exam while I try to fix all these. I spoke to my graduate director about it and it seems like I must pass the exam no matter what. It was like I could die but I must pass the exam nonetheless. Sounds bad, wait till you see my other struggles. It wasn't supposed to be that bad, but some things just never change for the better, at least in the near future.
I took my car for a fix on Monday and found a leak that is about a nail's length by Friday. It could be worst, but I am trying to figure out what the cause it. I have the cram-shaft oil seal changed and it is still leaking. The worry is that the fuel injector cleaner is tha cause, but many say it can't be. I hope they are right, but I'll just be a bit more careful about it. I guess I should stop using it after so much controversy. It has not been really helpful and not that much useful to begin with anyway.
The week was boring and not much have been positively entertaining. Since I need to busy myself with work for the exams, I doubt there is any time left for entertainment. I do hear Carl did much more preparation last year at this time. Funny that he needed twice to pass. I'm more busy than him, other stuff to worry about and definitely the money issue is a much more powerful deterrent in my case. Oh, I did say my phrase to my director. "Life is unfair, yeah, but if it is consistently so, it is fair". I do hope the system can be more one dimensional, so that it can be transparent to all.
I probably would not spend much time on NBA anymore, since World Cup is here. My week with respect to soccer isn't any much better. News that two players hint that they would consider moves from Everton when they are highly regarded, plus the fact that Everton bought good players to complement the team. It is sheer bad stuff. I do hope its another classic misquote scenario. The reports borders on facts that applies to everyone, so it wasn't such a bad thing, but to even have it is bad. The "good" surprise is that Germany had a scoring spree. They still stand the chance of an outsider to win the tournament, but its a pleasant surprise. Other teams mannged only three goals or less, not to mention England's miserable need for an own goal to win. The World Cup started badly in my opinion, Argentina and Ivory Coast probably provided the better match, but otherwise, I'm pretty ok that I can't watch it anyway.
Anyway, besides that, there are a few things that are more worrisome. I'm getting broke, my car is not getting well, and I can't get both problems solved. The thing is, I need to prepare for my Master's exam while I try to fix all these. I spoke to my graduate director about it and it seems like I must pass the exam no matter what. It was like I could die but I must pass the exam nonetheless. Sounds bad, wait till you see my other struggles. It wasn't supposed to be that bad, but some things just never change for the better, at least in the near future.
I took my car for a fix on Monday and found a leak that is about a nail's length by Friday. It could be worst, but I am trying to figure out what the cause it. I have the cram-shaft oil seal changed and it is still leaking. The worry is that the fuel injector cleaner is tha cause, but many say it can't be. I hope they are right, but I'll just be a bit more careful about it. I guess I should stop using it after so much controversy. It has not been really helpful and not that much useful to begin with anyway.
The week was boring and not much have been positively entertaining. Since I need to busy myself with work for the exams, I doubt there is any time left for entertainment. I do hear Carl did much more preparation last year at this time. Funny that he needed twice to pass. I'm more busy than him, other stuff to worry about and definitely the money issue is a much more powerful deterrent in my case. Oh, I did say my phrase to my director. "Life is unfair, yeah, but if it is consistently so, it is fair". I do hope the system can be more one dimensional, so that it can be transparent to all.
I probably would not spend much time on NBA anymore, since World Cup is here. My week with respect to soccer isn't any much better. News that two players hint that they would consider moves from Everton when they are highly regarded, plus the fact that Everton bought good players to complement the team. It is sheer bad stuff. I do hope its another classic misquote scenario. The reports borders on facts that applies to everyone, so it wasn't such a bad thing, but to even have it is bad. The "good" surprise is that Germany had a scoring spree. They still stand the chance of an outsider to win the tournament, but its a pleasant surprise. Other teams mannged only three goals or less, not to mention England's miserable need for an own goal to win. The World Cup started badly in my opinion, Argentina and Ivory Coast probably provided the better match, but otherwise, I'm pretty ok that I can't watch it anyway.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
26th Week 25
My car is in trouble again. Oil leak everywhere. Performance hit an all time low, well, slightly lower than it started out to be. I am told by AAA that it will cost at least another 800 bucks for it. I might as well get a new car. That took a lot of energy off me immediately and I almost wanted to die, since I have no more money for such things. I woke my dad up in the middle of the night to ask the very important questions, and guess what, it turns out that it is probably a small problem and AAA blew it up by replacing a new part for it.
I later took it to another mechanic, who is the one who sold me the car to begin with. He checked it and turns out that it should be less than that. He quoted me 250 bucks, which includes replacing some other minor details like water pump and timing belt. I wanted to do it immediately but I decided to let another mechanic check it before making a decision. In the end, he said the same thing, except that he did not do an actual thorough inspection. Well, I guess I'll let the seller fix it for me, since its better that way. I may not buy any more cars from him, but sticking to one mechanic is better than not.
The week turned out to be a super low morale week for me. I did get some good news about a Financial Mathematics Masters, which allowed me to have lots of flexibility to finish the program, but it was the actual program that I'm in that let me down, terribly down. I was told I would have near zero chance to get department funding, and I feel victimized. I understand what the situation is, but I did my best, and my best is in the front running of the cohort, even with senior students. I don't understand why they can't help my scenario but I would not blame them. If people only took what they need, then there would be no strife in the world. That is idealistic. Unfortunately, I feel that my hard work is not rewarded.
What makes things worse is the fact my apartment mate is not a kind one. Good on the outside, a whole new chapter on the inside. Anyway, he did not have late parties this week, so I'll just skip him for this week.
Ball game wise, Everton made a big stride. A bit too big in my perspective. They signed AJ for a rumored 8 million pounds and possibly Joleon Lescott for another 5.5 million. That is a big spending on 2 players. Still, if that solves everything that we need to reach Champions League, then its good, but 14 million for 2 players outside the EPL is a bit steep.
Anyway, that is a plus point. The other bad point is, Miami won. Detroit is out. I have said earlier that Miami is the only team I fear, and true enough, it happened. With a talented player like Dwayne Wade and a monster center like Shaq, I can only sigh the inability of Detroit to handle these 2 players. Flip, now you should know what I'm talking about. And to add to my previous comments, I am very certain, a player that fits the team is the ageing KG from Minnesota. Scoring and an added defence is the thing Detroit needs. If only we can have the king of Cleveland. Anyway, Dallas is also through, which is the best other matchup we can have other than having Pistons in the finals. This is definitely another mouth watering final. The good thing, I don't have to rush home to catch it. Its in USA!
I later took it to another mechanic, who is the one who sold me the car to begin with. He checked it and turns out that it should be less than that. He quoted me 250 bucks, which includes replacing some other minor details like water pump and timing belt. I wanted to do it immediately but I decided to let another mechanic check it before making a decision. In the end, he said the same thing, except that he did not do an actual thorough inspection. Well, I guess I'll let the seller fix it for me, since its better that way. I may not buy any more cars from him, but sticking to one mechanic is better than not.
The week turned out to be a super low morale week for me. I did get some good news about a Financial Mathematics Masters, which allowed me to have lots of flexibility to finish the program, but it was the actual program that I'm in that let me down, terribly down. I was told I would have near zero chance to get department funding, and I feel victimized. I understand what the situation is, but I did my best, and my best is in the front running of the cohort, even with senior students. I don't understand why they can't help my scenario but I would not blame them. If people only took what they need, then there would be no strife in the world. That is idealistic. Unfortunately, I feel that my hard work is not rewarded.
What makes things worse is the fact my apartment mate is not a kind one. Good on the outside, a whole new chapter on the inside. Anyway, he did not have late parties this week, so I'll just skip him for this week.
Ball game wise, Everton made a big stride. A bit too big in my perspective. They signed AJ for a rumored 8 million pounds and possibly Joleon Lescott for another 5.5 million. That is a big spending on 2 players. Still, if that solves everything that we need to reach Champions League, then its good, but 14 million for 2 players outside the EPL is a bit steep.
Anyway, that is a plus point. The other bad point is, Miami won. Detroit is out. I have said earlier that Miami is the only team I fear, and true enough, it happened. With a talented player like Dwayne Wade and a monster center like Shaq, I can only sigh the inability of Detroit to handle these 2 players. Flip, now you should know what I'm talking about. And to add to my previous comments, I am very certain, a player that fits the team is the ageing KG from Minnesota. Scoring and an added defence is the thing Detroit needs. If only we can have the king of Cleveland. Anyway, Dallas is also through, which is the best other matchup we can have other than having Pistons in the finals. This is definitely another mouth watering final. The good thing, I don't have to rush home to catch it. Its in USA!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
26th Week 24
Another tiring week down. This week is more of boredom than work. I tried to find myself something to do, but not much that I can find. I ended up playing around with SAS macros. Hm, sounds like the days when I took Java and make macros for the daily Reuters tasks. Its kind of easy when I got the hang of it, but I guess I'm still new to SAS, which is why even when get things to look at, I'm still clueless.
About the pretty girls that I met last week, I noticed that Heather was suddenly spotting rings on her fingers. I used to think that she was one of the only few singles left. Anyway, not that I'm having a crush, but I find her interesting,especially with the way she talks and looks at things. Anyway, her rings reminded me of something I need to do. I need to wear a very special ring from my parents. I was supposed to wear it for religional reasons, but I kept forgetting. Its due to the fact that I don't wear any ornaments before USA, not even a watch. Anyway, I noticed that she did not wear the rings on the following days, so I supposed she is still single, maybe attached. Anyway, I'm not jumping into anything, since I'm a foreigner and I'm not rushing things. I'm always happy if someone is happy, provided its not by causing malice. I think she is a nice girl, but I'm just not where I plan to be.
I spent the week getting to know of the bargains of the week than doing anything useful. In the end, I did not take part in any of the sales that is going on for Memorial's Day. I wanted to buy a hard disk and a dining table, but didn't get any. I think I'm broke again. Anyway, the idea of the week is not about sales or work or even sleep. I was chatting to my Graduate Directors when my anger took over. I guess I'm fed up with being under rewarded. I'm on the upper half of all of my classes at least, and I think I deserve a better chance than what I have now. I guess I find things ironical when the best chance of me getting funding is from a company which is formed up by students from our "rival" university and employs exclusively students from that university other than me. This is definitely ironical. Anyway, it stems from me seeing some unfriendly and idling people getting funding and sitting on it, preventing others from getting it. I'm not the only one, but I think just for my year, I'm the only one that is definitely going for PhD and still not funded directly.
Anyway, I think the thin line of love and hate is getting thinner by each day this situation goes on. I'm going to be reactive as usual. I recipocrate the kindness people give me with more, and while I'm not vengeful, I tend to give much less, to nearly none to people who refuse to learn to appreciate kindness. I'm still waiting for the reward of my hard work from my department. I came here to see a system that is know to be different from the one I came from. So far, nothing I saw so far is different, only the people. The only good output of my conversations is that I have a next step, although success is still minimum. I'm angry, but not mad. I have way more things to consider than to lose my head.
That is done for this week. I come to think I'm complaining about my roommate too much. Well, I think of it as a simple case of logic. When I first reached here, I can't use anything he other than plates and bowls. I was isolated and more often than not, he just ignores my needs and still expects me to pay for half of everything. Even when I paid more than my fair share, which means I use less than I pay for, aka being ripped off, he complains that my daily needs are excessive and other minor issues, which is really the bare minimum anyone I know needs. He seems to want to make life difficult for me, while I never gave him trouble. The irony to that is while I agree to cooperate, he refuses to cooperate. My only need is silence and normal usage of living needs and that is always being compromised. With that said, I think there is nothing worse that I can say about him, since he has been the devil in the apartment, never fulfilling what he ever says. Like one comment I hear about him, "Don't trust what he says". I do trust what he says, but being unable to do what he says, it means that he has nothing in him left other than being academically good.
Dan told me that he is considering a job offer from Bank of America. I'm definitely happy for him since we worked together and he deserves that job rightly. In fact, I think he is more than capable of doing PhD if not for the required coursework, which are mere academic exercises. Carl can get A's in them, Dan and I don't need them, other than the fact I have an outside chance of getting funding if I get more of them. Grades don't represent a good researcher is made. In fact, what I saw in the department so far even more rightly puts it in perspective. Dan excelled in non graded coursework that emphasizes in innovative thinking and he impressed more lecturers than any other student from our department. It would be our department's loss if he accepts the job, but I've told him that as a friend, I support any decision that he takes. I think the work really suits him, plus the fact that he told me that his "runway is shorter than mine", so if I am tempted by it, he should give it serious thought especially for his two kids. Any decision taken upon consideration of his family and goals based on love is definitely a right decision, even if it is painful. Well, that is assuming that his kids don't gets spoilt, but I've seen his kids, and they are good kids. So Dan, best of luck!
Detroit trails two games to one by today, which is upsetting but predictable. If they can take one game from Miami before going back to Motown and then winning one there, we can relax before a possible game seven. Well, let Flip decide what to do. I'm just a fan, though for the past few times I've seen, the players really need to improve their hit rate. They seem to become more offensive at the expense of a bit of defence, which is exposed whenever they are in a bad patch. This is the only thing that worries me. Other than that, I think we should be able to meet Dallas in the finals.
About the pretty girls that I met last week, I noticed that Heather was suddenly spotting rings on her fingers. I used to think that she was one of the only few singles left. Anyway, not that I'm having a crush, but I find her interesting,especially with the way she talks and looks at things. Anyway, her rings reminded me of something I need to do. I need to wear a very special ring from my parents. I was supposed to wear it for religional reasons, but I kept forgetting. Its due to the fact that I don't wear any ornaments before USA, not even a watch. Anyway, I noticed that she did not wear the rings on the following days, so I supposed she is still single, maybe attached. Anyway, I'm not jumping into anything, since I'm a foreigner and I'm not rushing things. I'm always happy if someone is happy, provided its not by causing malice. I think she is a nice girl, but I'm just not where I plan to be.
I spent the week getting to know of the bargains of the week than doing anything useful. In the end, I did not take part in any of the sales that is going on for Memorial's Day. I wanted to buy a hard disk and a dining table, but didn't get any. I think I'm broke again. Anyway, the idea of the week is not about sales or work or even sleep. I was chatting to my Graduate Directors when my anger took over. I guess I'm fed up with being under rewarded. I'm on the upper half of all of my classes at least, and I think I deserve a better chance than what I have now. I guess I find things ironical when the best chance of me getting funding is from a company which is formed up by students from our "rival" university and employs exclusively students from that university other than me. This is definitely ironical. Anyway, it stems from me seeing some unfriendly and idling people getting funding and sitting on it, preventing others from getting it. I'm not the only one, but I think just for my year, I'm the only one that is definitely going for PhD and still not funded directly.
Anyway, I think the thin line of love and hate is getting thinner by each day this situation goes on. I'm going to be reactive as usual. I recipocrate the kindness people give me with more, and while I'm not vengeful, I tend to give much less, to nearly none to people who refuse to learn to appreciate kindness. I'm still waiting for the reward of my hard work from my department. I came here to see a system that is know to be different from the one I came from. So far, nothing I saw so far is different, only the people. The only good output of my conversations is that I have a next step, although success is still minimum. I'm angry, but not mad. I have way more things to consider than to lose my head.
That is done for this week. I come to think I'm complaining about my roommate too much. Well, I think of it as a simple case of logic. When I first reached here, I can't use anything he other than plates and bowls. I was isolated and more often than not, he just ignores my needs and still expects me to pay for half of everything. Even when I paid more than my fair share, which means I use less than I pay for, aka being ripped off, he complains that my daily needs are excessive and other minor issues, which is really the bare minimum anyone I know needs. He seems to want to make life difficult for me, while I never gave him trouble. The irony to that is while I agree to cooperate, he refuses to cooperate. My only need is silence and normal usage of living needs and that is always being compromised. With that said, I think there is nothing worse that I can say about him, since he has been the devil in the apartment, never fulfilling what he ever says. Like one comment I hear about him, "Don't trust what he says". I do trust what he says, but being unable to do what he says, it means that he has nothing in him left other than being academically good.
Dan told me that he is considering a job offer from Bank of America. I'm definitely happy for him since we worked together and he deserves that job rightly. In fact, I think he is more than capable of doing PhD if not for the required coursework, which are mere academic exercises. Carl can get A's in them, Dan and I don't need them, other than the fact I have an outside chance of getting funding if I get more of them. Grades don't represent a good researcher is made. In fact, what I saw in the department so far even more rightly puts it in perspective. Dan excelled in non graded coursework that emphasizes in innovative thinking and he impressed more lecturers than any other student from our department. It would be our department's loss if he accepts the job, but I've told him that as a friend, I support any decision that he takes. I think the work really suits him, plus the fact that he told me that his "runway is shorter than mine", so if I am tempted by it, he should give it serious thought especially for his two kids. Any decision taken upon consideration of his family and goals based on love is definitely a right decision, even if it is painful. Well, that is assuming that his kids don't gets spoilt, but I've seen his kids, and they are good kids. So Dan, best of luck!
Detroit trails two games to one by today, which is upsetting but predictable. If they can take one game from Miami before going back to Motown and then winning one there, we can relax before a possible game seven. Well, let Flip decide what to do. I'm just a fan, though for the past few times I've seen, the players really need to improve their hit rate. They seem to become more offensive at the expense of a bit of defence, which is exposed whenever they are in a bad patch. This is the only thing that worries me. Other than that, I think we should be able to meet Dallas in the finals.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
26th Week 23
This week is a busy one. I had to run around places and got lost many times. It was ok, I got to learn many things, buy many furniture and see another chapter of the ugly side of Alex. Well, its the same side but my friend confirmed my comments, since I always felt a one-sided comment is not a good argument.
The sad thing is not just my roommate, but also a busted distributor, costing more than 400 US bucks. And on top of that, I get the annoying "ORDER" from my roommate to not bring gasoline into the apartment while I'm trying to fix my car. Anyone with a brain and heart would know that it is an emergency. I would never do things that run a risk of danger if there is a better option. Obviously, there wasn't a better option! The car is my only mode of transport and I need it everyday. So if someone is dying in front of his car, I think he will just run the poor guy dead. The fact that he threw the stuff I used to revive my car out of the apartment obliterates any speck of trust I ever have left for him. In truth, he went out almost everyday to bring friends home for fun and laughter, and the incident occurred with his friends around. Am I supposed to act like a servant? He probably has some very biased extremist tendencies in him. Now, I don't remember any friend of his being an international student, other than his trip to France.
That's not an answer I expect a smart guy going to a prestigious law school. Sometimes, I wonder if he has a human heart. That is VERY a firm impression of mine. His parents came over during the week and was discussing about law school. Unfortunately, I don't have any expectation of him being a good lawyer or politician. Any benefit for society from him would definitely be a bonus to life. I respect his parents and love their maturity towards a foreigner like myself, and I feel sad that their son made such a bad impression on me. I currently have no expectation of useful person coming out from that. I have always maintained an idealistic view that education is the "true" way to resolve violence, but unfortunately, that will never be realized, although it can be maximized, but not with such people running around with power.
Anyway, I feel that I have every right to criticize him since I have always played my part as a good roommate while he has utterly failed to help a newcomer to the area. To add to that, he would rather spend money on pleasure than use electricity to warm the environment during the cold days tells you how much other lives mean to him. Someone new to the area definitely needs more time, effort and help to adjust to the surrounding, and a roommate that sits comfortably without offering any help is definitely a bad person, and I'm refraining to use any worse metaphors. Like the quote from Aristotle, "Misfortune shows those who are not really friends", I have seen who the demons were in this area, and, intelligence or leadership is definitely not a constituting factor. There is another phrase I like from Aristotle, "Those who excel in virtue have the best right of all to rebel, but then they are of all men the least inclined to do so". Very true indeed, although I can't put it in a much better form of words before.
Anyway, my car managed to survive the trip to the mechanic, which is also known to be a very good one. Saturday is another busy day for me. I got three furniture at the cost of 35 bucks, excluding the treat I gave Justin for providing such great help. He ran the truck for me and helped me with my furniture. Even with the treat, I think I still owe him something, so I gave him some gas money. He's a bit different, but I won't follow others in calling him wierd. I used to be an outcast myself when I'm young, and it isn't associated with anything bad. His health is poor, which complicates things as well, but I think he's a nice person. Plus, he knows how to respect people. The added incentive, he is also from a rural area, like me. At least I was from a rural area till the age of six, so I can understand a bit of the way he does things.
I met a lot of pretty girls this week. All untouchable, which is rather sad. Either they are married, or they are attached. Anyway, it was a hectic week which doesn't add to my cause for flower gazing. And I got lost on a lot of my trips, which is very bad, and the ultimate bad thing is that I'm dead tired after my driving. The mileage seems pretty low for the distance I traveled, but anyway, I can't judge its performance with one week. I'll start my regular maintenance sequence soon, minus the car body part. Short of cash. A good engine is better than a beautiful car body. The vanity part will be earmarked for the next year.
Detroit actually took an entire seven games to beat Cleveland, which gives Miami the edge in fatigue. I would say that form wise, Heat is also in front since the Pistons have stuttered since the first defeat against the Cavaliers. Still, I'm confident the season is far from over, at least until the NBA Championship round. Their tiresome week is so much a parallel to the week I had. Kind of fun actually, if my roommate was not in the equation. The most thirst quenching fruit is that from hard work, with or without talent, and I'm currently enjoying some fruits of my hard work. Although I feel under rewarded, but still, its better than nothing. Pistons will enjoy that with another fourteen games, although it would be good if they can end their next two opponents in less games.
The sad thing is not just my roommate, but also a busted distributor, costing more than 400 US bucks. And on top of that, I get the annoying "ORDER" from my roommate to not bring gasoline into the apartment while I'm trying to fix my car. Anyone with a brain and heart would know that it is an emergency. I would never do things that run a risk of danger if there is a better option. Obviously, there wasn't a better option! The car is my only mode of transport and I need it everyday. So if someone is dying in front of his car, I think he will just run the poor guy dead. The fact that he threw the stuff I used to revive my car out of the apartment obliterates any speck of trust I ever have left for him. In truth, he went out almost everyday to bring friends home for fun and laughter, and the incident occurred with his friends around. Am I supposed to act like a servant? He probably has some very biased extremist tendencies in him. Now, I don't remember any friend of his being an international student, other than his trip to France.
That's not an answer I expect a smart guy going to a prestigious law school. Sometimes, I wonder if he has a human heart. That is VERY a firm impression of mine. His parents came over during the week and was discussing about law school. Unfortunately, I don't have any expectation of him being a good lawyer or politician. Any benefit for society from him would definitely be a bonus to life. I respect his parents and love their maturity towards a foreigner like myself, and I feel sad that their son made such a bad impression on me. I currently have no expectation of useful person coming out from that. I have always maintained an idealistic view that education is the "true" way to resolve violence, but unfortunately, that will never be realized, although it can be maximized, but not with such people running around with power.
Anyway, I feel that I have every right to criticize him since I have always played my part as a good roommate while he has utterly failed to help a newcomer to the area. To add to that, he would rather spend money on pleasure than use electricity to warm the environment during the cold days tells you how much other lives mean to him. Someone new to the area definitely needs more time, effort and help to adjust to the surrounding, and a roommate that sits comfortably without offering any help is definitely a bad person, and I'm refraining to use any worse metaphors. Like the quote from Aristotle, "Misfortune shows those who are not really friends", I have seen who the demons were in this area, and, intelligence or leadership is definitely not a constituting factor. There is another phrase I like from Aristotle, "Those who excel in virtue have the best right of all to rebel, but then they are of all men the least inclined to do so". Very true indeed, although I can't put it in a much better form of words before.
Anyway, my car managed to survive the trip to the mechanic, which is also known to be a very good one. Saturday is another busy day for me. I got three furniture at the cost of 35 bucks, excluding the treat I gave Justin for providing such great help. He ran the truck for me and helped me with my furniture. Even with the treat, I think I still owe him something, so I gave him some gas money. He's a bit different, but I won't follow others in calling him wierd. I used to be an outcast myself when I'm young, and it isn't associated with anything bad. His health is poor, which complicates things as well, but I think he's a nice person. Plus, he knows how to respect people. The added incentive, he is also from a rural area, like me. At least I was from a rural area till the age of six, so I can understand a bit of the way he does things.
I met a lot of pretty girls this week. All untouchable, which is rather sad. Either they are married, or they are attached. Anyway, it was a hectic week which doesn't add to my cause for flower gazing. And I got lost on a lot of my trips, which is very bad, and the ultimate bad thing is that I'm dead tired after my driving. The mileage seems pretty low for the distance I traveled, but anyway, I can't judge its performance with one week. I'll start my regular maintenance sequence soon, minus the car body part. Short of cash. A good engine is better than a beautiful car body. The vanity part will be earmarked for the next year.
Detroit actually took an entire seven games to beat Cleveland, which gives Miami the edge in fatigue. I would say that form wise, Heat is also in front since the Pistons have stuttered since the first defeat against the Cavaliers. Still, I'm confident the season is far from over, at least until the NBA Championship round. Their tiresome week is so much a parallel to the week I had. Kind of fun actually, if my roommate was not in the equation. The most thirst quenching fruit is that from hard work, with or without talent, and I'm currently enjoying some fruits of my hard work. Although I feel under rewarded, but still, its better than nothing. Pistons will enjoy that with another fourteen games, although it would be good if they can end their next two opponents in less games.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
26th Week 22
Finally, the exam is over, and I got all my results. For the first time in my academia, I do not need to do a balancing act. In the past, my results are lob sided, not this semester. Well, there is a bad and a good about it. I'm still trying hard to overcome my financial deficit nd definitely a good result helps. I'm not sure if mine is good enough, but it is below my expectations. I'm hoping that it is.
Anyway, with Carl in class, it is not a good class, at least for every other students. The lecturers are nice, but they get slowed down by needless and outrageous questions. Some handle it well, some moderately well. Anyway, the result of the classes does reflect this a bit, and it only takes time to see if there is any righteousness out of this scenario. The Carl thing for this week is a disturbing bragging Carl that pesters others with claims for an excellent result for the course for Categorical. Hm, this is such an unfair contest, since we don't learn well with him holding the class back in terms of learning. Like I said, I did not pay my tuition for this, and it is VERY UNFAIR.
To be frank, the same goes for my apartment, but with a car now, I've slightly distanced myself with roommate basher Alex. He still invites his friends over and have lots of "fun" and noise. Imagine me being able to know what the conversions and gatherings are about when I looked my doors to have some rest. Not to mention that he ORDERS me around. I'm nice to everyone, some treats me well in return, some don't, and some take advantage of it. Obviously, Alex and Carl does the last statement well. Fortunately, I learn fast to deal with things, even people.
Detroit lost one game, which is fine. They only have two more games to move to the next round where Cleveland need three. It does sour things a bit, but its ok. Anyway, I think I'm more focused on the Champions League Final on Wednesday next week. It should be a good match. Unfortunately, since I don't have cable, I will need to bother Kejun.
Oh, I went to Kejun's graduation where I play her cameraman. The sucky thing that happened there, Carl is there, and he nearly ruined the day. He congratulated me instead of the other way round, since he graduated. He said that I'll do very well for the qualifier. The problem is, I don't care about the qualifier! I sleep during class but I learn, I do below expectation in exams but I learn, learning is all I care! He may be thinking he is God and is able to wield power over my future. Unfortunately, if he is just trying to connect to me in conversation, he just did the complete opposite. His family is ok, but I guess he grew up in his own world. He is probably autistic. and he better get help soon from counsellors and psychiatrists
Champions League Final...sigh...in a busy week...
Anyway, with Carl in class, it is not a good class, at least for every other students. The lecturers are nice, but they get slowed down by needless and outrageous questions. Some handle it well, some moderately well. Anyway, the result of the classes does reflect this a bit, and it only takes time to see if there is any righteousness out of this scenario. The Carl thing for this week is a disturbing bragging Carl that pesters others with claims for an excellent result for the course for Categorical. Hm, this is such an unfair contest, since we don't learn well with him holding the class back in terms of learning. Like I said, I did not pay my tuition for this, and it is VERY UNFAIR.
To be frank, the same goes for my apartment, but with a car now, I've slightly distanced myself with roommate basher Alex. He still invites his friends over and have lots of "fun" and noise. Imagine me being able to know what the conversions and gatherings are about when I looked my doors to have some rest. Not to mention that he ORDERS me around. I'm nice to everyone, some treats me well in return, some don't, and some take advantage of it. Obviously, Alex and Carl does the last statement well. Fortunately, I learn fast to deal with things, even people.
Detroit lost one game, which is fine. They only have two more games to move to the next round where Cleveland need three. It does sour things a bit, but its ok. Anyway, I think I'm more focused on the Champions League Final on Wednesday next week. It should be a good match. Unfortunately, since I don't have cable, I will need to bother Kejun.
Oh, I went to Kejun's graduation where I play her cameraman. The sucky thing that happened there, Carl is there, and he nearly ruined the day. He congratulated me instead of the other way round, since he graduated. He said that I'll do very well for the qualifier. The problem is, I don't care about the qualifier! I sleep during class but I learn, I do below expectation in exams but I learn, learning is all I care! He may be thinking he is God and is able to wield power over my future. Unfortunately, if he is just trying to connect to me in conversation, he just did the complete opposite. His family is ok, but I guess he grew up in his own world. He is probably autistic. and he better get help soon from counsellors and psychiatrists
Champions League Final...sigh...in a busy week...
Saturday, May 06, 2006
26th Week 21
First two papers down. In fact, I was jittery for both papers. The first exam was awful. Carl was panting and murmuring so "silently" that the whole class could hear him talk and breathe from the other end of the room. It is so disturbing that I don't think it is fair for anyone to have to take the exam with him. That is not the only annoying thing though. He was asking questions over and over again, and not observing that he was disturbing others. Yan mentioned he's being very nervous, but that does not give him the right to cause a disturbance. It's not about him, it's about everyone. To be frank, I'm not the only one annoyed, though I'm the only one who evidently told him to be quiet, abeit unsuccessfully. To suffer a panic attack is one thing, to be overly inconsiderate is another, and I think I have seem people suffer from panic attacks with much less disturbance. The second exam was pretty arbitrary, as in, no one knows who is right. The only good thing, Carl is not in it.
I tried my best anyway. I think I should be able to get a decent grade for both, and that is the only way to be getting a better chance of having funding through a Teaching Assistantship. I don't think I deserve to spend my tuition fees to be put in such a situation. If life was ever unfair to him, life is even more unfair to the people around him. To add to my annoyance, I must say the first time that I was annoyed with him was the time he screamed vulgarities at his parents over the phone, much to the annoyance of others as well. I, for one, never even though of it. Raising voices in such a scenario is the worst I can think of, but not the things I've seen.
Anyway, I felt ok with the exams, perhaps a chance to get a good grade, even with the odds stacked against me. Every week seems to be more damming for Carl in my opinion, and after this week, it is confirmed. I'll not give in when it comes to school related matters. I didn't pay all my life savings and giving up everything I have in Singapore to be tormented by this.
Back to some more personal things, I bought a car. Imagine a very distracting car hunt on top of your struggle to keep sanity with a near insane class "mate". I bought it despite a possible problem. I researched it and the problem is probably a mistake. I will correct it, but now is the next phase of my plans, getting it registered. And study for my last two exams. I barely had time to look at sports news, although I kept up with the latest of my favourite cartoons. I guess they are the ones that kept me from being bored.
The sad part to the end of the week, my last exam is another exam with Carl. Come to think of it, he has only two exams, of the three course out of seven that is graded. Seven courses is a lot, but to become a nuisance for it is unnecessary, especially when only three are graded and two of them have a final exam format. Ironically for him, I have four exams, for four classes, of which none are supposed to be easy in the first place. Carl was in two of them, which is a mystery to me why he would suffer from a panic attack for two exams when I can still find time to get my car with two more exams than him to worry about. Ok, this week is a sore week. Mainly because of Carl. And I felt lathergic all week. Being tired understates what I felt.
Detriot finished Milwaukee in five games, one more than Dallas. Obviously, letting in 124 points is a blip, and with Milwaukee back to normal, I suppose winning is a normality. The good things are, Cleveland played more games than Detriot, and LA Lakers are knocked out. Not that I hate Lakers, but I don't fancy Kobe. He is a talented player, but I seriously have tonnes of reservations for his sportsmanship. Raja is unfortunate to miss Game 6. He commited a bad foul, but I'm sure he was not purposeful, since if he was, he should break Kobe's knee, why only a clothesline? What Kobe said has an even more damming effect on his character. Talented, yes, sporting, not a snowball chance in hell. I rather have Lebron over him any day, and let's not mention that Lebron is a rather humble guy. Well, it's like comparing Thierry Henry to Nicholas Anelka, and where is Anelka now?
For soccer, Arsenal is in the Champions League, at te expense of Tottenham, and with a lot of controversy. Food poisoning, and some insensible "graces" of two hours, Spurs definitely deserve better, although I always preferred Arsenal being in Champions League. Martin Jol definitely did a great job, but the team he have is incomplete, especially after three inefficient, at best, managers before him. It is the same as Everton, except that they have more cash to overturn their situation in a short time. Also, they have a bigger fan base, thanks to a rather successful histroy in the mid 80's to early 90's. That shows how hard Moyes' job is, which is why only relegation is the only way I accept the idea of sacking him. Of course, a long time of inability to gain any form of success will be fatal as well, but he has exceeded expectations already. We can only have telltale sign of his capabilities after a few more seasons, definitely not now. Five years to overturn a twenty year deficit is not easy.
I tried my best anyway. I think I should be able to get a decent grade for both, and that is the only way to be getting a better chance of having funding through a Teaching Assistantship. I don't think I deserve to spend my tuition fees to be put in such a situation. If life was ever unfair to him, life is even more unfair to the people around him. To add to my annoyance, I must say the first time that I was annoyed with him was the time he screamed vulgarities at his parents over the phone, much to the annoyance of others as well. I, for one, never even though of it. Raising voices in such a scenario is the worst I can think of, but not the things I've seen.
Anyway, I felt ok with the exams, perhaps a chance to get a good grade, even with the odds stacked against me. Every week seems to be more damming for Carl in my opinion, and after this week, it is confirmed. I'll not give in when it comes to school related matters. I didn't pay all my life savings and giving up everything I have in Singapore to be tormented by this.
Back to some more personal things, I bought a car. Imagine a very distracting car hunt on top of your struggle to keep sanity with a near insane class "mate". I bought it despite a possible problem. I researched it and the problem is probably a mistake. I will correct it, but now is the next phase of my plans, getting it registered. And study for my last two exams. I barely had time to look at sports news, although I kept up with the latest of my favourite cartoons. I guess they are the ones that kept me from being bored.
The sad part to the end of the week, my last exam is another exam with Carl. Come to think of it, he has only two exams, of the three course out of seven that is graded. Seven courses is a lot, but to become a nuisance for it is unnecessary, especially when only three are graded and two of them have a final exam format. Ironically for him, I have four exams, for four classes, of which none are supposed to be easy in the first place. Carl was in two of them, which is a mystery to me why he would suffer from a panic attack for two exams when I can still find time to get my car with two more exams than him to worry about. Ok, this week is a sore week. Mainly because of Carl. And I felt lathergic all week. Being tired understates what I felt.
Detriot finished Milwaukee in five games, one more than Dallas. Obviously, letting in 124 points is a blip, and with Milwaukee back to normal, I suppose winning is a normality. The good things are, Cleveland played more games than Detriot, and LA Lakers are knocked out. Not that I hate Lakers, but I don't fancy Kobe. He is a talented player, but I seriously have tonnes of reservations for his sportsmanship. Raja is unfortunate to miss Game 6. He commited a bad foul, but I'm sure he was not purposeful, since if he was, he should break Kobe's knee, why only a clothesline? What Kobe said has an even more damming effect on his character. Talented, yes, sporting, not a snowball chance in hell. I rather have Lebron over him any day, and let's not mention that Lebron is a rather humble guy. Well, it's like comparing Thierry Henry to Nicholas Anelka, and where is Anelka now?
For soccer, Arsenal is in the Champions League, at te expense of Tottenham, and with a lot of controversy. Food poisoning, and some insensible "graces" of two hours, Spurs definitely deserve better, although I always preferred Arsenal being in Champions League. Martin Jol definitely did a great job, but the team he have is incomplete, especially after three inefficient, at best, managers before him. It is the same as Everton, except that they have more cash to overturn their situation in a short time. Also, they have a bigger fan base, thanks to a rather successful histroy in the mid 80's to early 90's. That shows how hard Moyes' job is, which is why only relegation is the only way I accept the idea of sacking him. Of course, a long time of inability to gain any form of success will be fatal as well, but he has exceeded expectations already. We can only have telltale sign of his capabilities after a few more seasons, definitely not now. Five years to overturn a twenty year deficit is not easy.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
26th Week 20
This is the final week of class. Everyone seems nervous about exam, except me. I'm spending more time looking at cars ads and car numbers than theorems and examples.
I happened to stumble upon two cars. Both are relatively good. First is a Toyota Tercel, not bad in terms of maintenance. The bad, overpriced and still, firmly overpriced. I wonder if he will really get the price he wants. Anyway, I decided to give it a miss since I have a splitting headache. I gave the next one a miss as well. Its a Honda Civic. Its not bad, and with manual transmission, its ok for fast pick-up. The drawback, no power steering. I don't think my left-right syndrome will be helped by that yet, plus late nights. Plus a splitting headache. Ah, never mind, I'll give it a miss for now. No hurry. Not till I get some sleep first.
I tried to do some revision, which is slow, but some form of progress. Dan seems ahead but he looks unstable in his preparations. Not that he is learning something wrong, but he seems to be lacking confidence. I think he should be able to make it. I guess while I'm having problems in January and February, he's not have a much better time. My foundation plus his help got me through, though I must say it would have been better if someone, with near adamantine-quality skin and a bottomless lack of consideration, has tried to learn that since he is taking money for nothing, he should have been more considerate to the many self paying students who values quality learning time. I guess he is making use of the lecturers' nicer side to his advantage, which unfortunately to others' detriment.
Anyway, all of us are tired of his antics. We just want to study, learn and enjoy. Many of my friends don't like to study, even now. I don't love reading books, but learning is fun to me. I guess I prefer research related fun. I'm still considering Dan's proposition of becoming a ABD. I'm pretty confident I can do that and then move into research, but I prefer to wait and see, at least for now.
Sports
I happened to stumble upon two cars. Both are relatively good. First is a Toyota Tercel, not bad in terms of maintenance. The bad, overpriced and still, firmly overpriced. I wonder if he will really get the price he wants. Anyway, I decided to give it a miss since I have a splitting headache. I gave the next one a miss as well. Its a Honda Civic. Its not bad, and with manual transmission, its ok for fast pick-up. The drawback, no power steering. I don't think my left-right syndrome will be helped by that yet, plus late nights. Plus a splitting headache. Ah, never mind, I'll give it a miss for now. No hurry. Not till I get some sleep first.
I tried to do some revision, which is slow, but some form of progress. Dan seems ahead but he looks unstable in his preparations. Not that he is learning something wrong, but he seems to be lacking confidence. I think he should be able to make it. I guess while I'm having problems in January and February, he's not have a much better time. My foundation plus his help got me through, though I must say it would have been better if someone, with near adamantine-quality skin and a bottomless lack of consideration, has tried to learn that since he is taking money for nothing, he should have been more considerate to the many self paying students who values quality learning time. I guess he is making use of the lecturers' nicer side to his advantage, which unfortunately to others' detriment.
Anyway, all of us are tired of his antics. We just want to study, learn and enjoy. Many of my friends don't like to study, even now. I don't love reading books, but learning is fun to me. I guess I prefer research related fun. I'm still considering Dan's proposition of becoming a ABD. I'm pretty confident I can do that and then move into research, but I prefer to wait and see, at least for now.
Sports
Saturday, April 22, 2006
26th Week 19
Heading into the last week of school. Finally. A near "academically fatal" disaster in January and February, and now I'm looking at the last week of school. Nothing much for this week, but one good news. I got my SSN! After two semesters, my life in USA starts to become more like a normal international student. It took me so much trouble to get to this stage and thanks to Dan, Luciano, Yan and Yuefeng, things went better than it would have been.
There is a Spring Picnic this Saturday but Luciano got turned off by the cloudy skies. Well, I might get turned off as well but dude, there babes there! Anyway, my illness made me sleep over the storm that erupted that afternoon, so I just followed Luciano's decision to skip it anyway. Sleep sleep sleep.
This week marks the start of a new season, car hunting season. My life here have been bogged down by the lack of mobility and I probably want a car, a real cheap one. My education in cars have taught me to be really efficient and economic with the car, and I mean real. Thing is, luck isn't there again. No pretty cars, no cheap cars...whatever. I will probably take my time a bit.
Sports wise. Not really attentive this week, since Everton got nothing to play for. As usual, losing gas in the final stretch. Well, it could have been worse...Oh well...sleep sleep sleep
There is a Spring Picnic this Saturday but Luciano got turned off by the cloudy skies. Well, I might get turned off as well but dude, there babes there! Anyway, my illness made me sleep over the storm that erupted that afternoon, so I just followed Luciano's decision to skip it anyway. Sleep sleep sleep.
This week marks the start of a new season, car hunting season. My life here have been bogged down by the lack of mobility and I probably want a car, a real cheap one. My education in cars have taught me to be really efficient and economic with the car, and I mean real. Thing is, luck isn't there again. No pretty cars, no cheap cars...whatever. I will probably take my time a bit.
Sports wise. Not really attentive this week, since Everton got nothing to play for. As usual, losing gas in the final stretch. Well, it could have been worse...Oh well...sleep sleep sleep
Sunday, April 16, 2006
26th Week 18
This week is Easter Break. They call it Spring Holiday, but as much as I heard, there are several names for it. Anyway, its a two day holiday, so it is "good". Well, the week is rushed, and lots of homework due...next week. This week, all Thursday and Friday homework is switched to next week, and next week's load is still valid. That adds up to nearly zero for this week and five for next week. There goes my holiday. I practically spent the holiday on homework and I'm still not done...
I had a chance to go to the Social Security office to check my SSN application, and guess what. It's not processed by the Homeland Security until I asked about it. Luckily, I got very good reception there and they agreed to process it for me immediately, abeit some delay in transmission of the application between offices. Well, at least I hear something. Better than nothing. Till now, my original driving records have not reached me yet, and it has been more than a month. I fear the worst...Maybe it got sucked into the Bermuda Triangle...
Anyway, the most important part is to have fun...which I don't. There was a Graduate's night at the Pour House, which is rather neat. BUT, most of my classmates are not there. Luciano and John is there, so its not totally lost. The second and third year's are there, which makes the event slightly more enjoyable. I'm not into dance and wine, so I really felt out of place. Footwork? Only for soccer.
This week is boring for more than one reason. Pistons are lacking fire on the bench and Everton, well...with matches against 2 of the top 4, there is not much to say. I'm better off hibernating...
I had a chance to go to the Social Security office to check my SSN application, and guess what. It's not processed by the Homeland Security until I asked about it. Luckily, I got very good reception there and they agreed to process it for me immediately, abeit some delay in transmission of the application between offices. Well, at least I hear something. Better than nothing. Till now, my original driving records have not reached me yet, and it has been more than a month. I fear the worst...Maybe it got sucked into the Bermuda Triangle...
Anyway, the most important part is to have fun...which I don't. There was a Graduate's night at the Pour House, which is rather neat. BUT, most of my classmates are not there. Luciano and John is there, so its not totally lost. The second and third year's are there, which makes the event slightly more enjoyable. I'm not into dance and wine, so I really felt out of place. Footwork? Only for soccer.
This week is boring for more than one reason. Pistons are lacking fire on the bench and Everton, well...with matches against 2 of the top 4, there is not much to say. I'm better off hibernating...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)